


Gloria

by The_Lady_Crane



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series, Kirby - All Media Types, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cute Kids, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Drabble Collection, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Femslash, Het, Human Kirby, Human Meta Knight, I Don't Even Know, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Male Slash, Meddling Kids, One Shot Collection, Other, Post Mpreg, Slash, This Is STUPID, Two Shot, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2020-11-24 07:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20903651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lady_Crane/pseuds/The_Lady_Crane
Summary: In Askr's Castle Gloria, anything can happen.A collection of random one-shots and maybe a two-shot, focusing on my own little FEH world. This involves OMEGAVERSE dynamics and MPREG. It's really... really stupid, guys. Oh, and Meta Knight is here. Don't think about it too deeply and you'll be OK.





	1. That Time Meta Knight Flashed the Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I'm coming at you with some random little scraps that were lying around unfinished on my laptop for several months. I've been in a writing frenzy lately, and have a few of them finished, for better or worse. 
> 
> This is really weird, OK? And if you're familiar with my work, you'll know what to expect: Meta Knight and Marth are a thing, Kirby is their kid, alpha/omega dynamics everywhere, people paired off left and right... Really, they doomed the world of fandom when they enabled you to marry anybody to anybody in FEH. They should have known that a sick freak like me would get hold of that and run with it.
> 
> Oh, and I have some alternate terms. The male Robin is Rob, female Corrin is Corrina, and female Kana is Kanako.
> 
> \------- SPOILERS FOR THREE HOUSES AHEAD ---------
> 
> EDIT: HOLY CRAP Jeritza is confirmed as another gay option! And he's the Death Knight! AND I PAIRED BYLETH WITH DEATH KNIGHT IN FEH AGES AGO!!! Holy shit, guys! One of my weird freaky pairings came true!!! You can bet there's gonna be a ton of Byleth/Death Knight in later chapters, because I am so FREAKING stoked about this!

_Thousands of worlds… and this one is all mine. The heroes I summon, mine. The world I create, MINE! I can pair them up. I can break them apart. Life is in my hands. There’s just one more thing to do, now… One more ritual to complete…_

>>><<< 

When Meta Knight opened his eyes, it was to a chorus of gasps, exclamations, and laughter. Confused, he looked around. He was standing in the midst of some sort of ruins, looking like many other mysterious sites he’d seen in his travels. Tall pillar? Check. Pedestal to hold some kind of Sacred Artifact ™? Check. Robed figure holding a bizarre object? Check.

Only, this robed figure was gaping with an open-mouthed expression that did not befit someone who was obviously important.

Turning around, Meta Knight saw that there were others here, as well. It looked as if he had appeared in the middle of a ritual. A gathering of perhaps twenty had assembled in a dense semi-circle around the edge of the round stone platform. Three others were standing closer to the center: a blue-haired young man, a blonde woman, and a red-headed woman. All of them were staring with open mouths, just like the woman in the robe.

“It… It worked!” Meta Knight spun to face the robed woman when she spoke. “Oh my God… I didn’t think it would work! But you’re here!”

“You were… expecting me?” Meta Knight frowned behind his mask.

“Well, I don’t know if I’d say we were ‘expecting’ you. I didn’t think this would work at all, actually.” She smiled. “But… no matter! I wanted to call you here, and you came. Though… um… not exactly like I imagined.” Her eyes darted downward for a moment, and she giggled, her face turning red under her hood. “Here…”

She reached out to grab his cape. He flinched away, but she persisted, and succeeded in wrapping it around his torso.

“What the…?”

When he looked down at himself, he came to his second shocking realization of the day: He was human. Tall and muscular (he should have realized, he thought, when he’d had to look down at the woman in the robe), his skin was no longer blue, but a very dark, rich tan. His mask and cape and pauldrons, his sabatons and gauntlets, all were still there; but the rest of him was nude. He yanked his cape out of the woman’s grip, holding it around himself, and took a step back. “Who are you?!” he demanded, reaching for Galaxia’s hilt with his cape bunched in one fist.

“Relax!” The woman held up her hands and backed away. “I didn’t know it would change you like this, I swear! Look, my name is Serpi. I’m the summoner around here. And… I know you from the Smash Brothers tournament.”

“I see…” Meta Knight didn’t draw his weapon, but he didn’t relax his grip, either. “Why did you call me here?”

“I wanted to see if you could come. We need your help.”

He relaxed. “Help?”

“This place is called Askr, and it’s a kingdom at war. I can tell you all the details later, but I thought there would be nobody better than you to assist us.”

That was true, Meta Knight thought with some pride. He let go of his sword. “And the change? Why am I human?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Serpi said with a nervous laugh. “I thought you would be your usual adorable self…” Meta Knight growled at this, his eyes narrowing. “For now, we need to get you something to wear. Come with me, OK?”

He followed her towards the gathered crowd. “Everyone! This is Meta Knight. You’ll have to pardon his lack of clothes…” There was a general murmur, and people looked away politely with red faces – all except for one. Meta Knight couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath when he saw those ocean blue eyes. Could it really be…?

Serpi smiled to herself as someone came rushing towards them from the crowd. This was going to work out beautifully.

“King Marth, do you know Sir Meta Knight?” There was no need to ask. Of course, he did. Summoned from the realm of Master Hand that was under her control, the hero-king knew very well who this masked warrior was. As the vanguard Ike came running up to join them, Serpi’s smile widened. All of the pieces were falling into place, now.

Just as she planned.

>>><<< 

“Life sure has a funny way of working out…” Ike mused as he lay in the grass, his head cushioned on his arms. The prince was sitting close to Meta Knight, who was leaning against a birch tree on the edge of Castle Gloria’s gardens.

“Yes, it does,” Marth said quietly, looking off into the distant hills. He seemed to be applying all of his willpower to keep from ogling Meta Knight, but that was something that Ike didn’t have the strength for. He stared openly with his brows knitted together.

“I’d rather you just say what’s on your mind,” Meta Knight grumbled. His arms were crossed firmly over his chest, his newly-forged armor gleaming in the afternoon sun. It was a deep purple with gold accent, and it suited his dark complexion perfectly. Much like the Black Knight, nothing of his skin was visible. At the angle he was currently in, though, Ike could see a bare strip just under his jawline, where his mask failed to connect to his collar.

“What do you mean?” Ike asked.

“Just say it: You think I looked better as my old self.”

Marth laughed. “Well, I won’t deny that you were cute! But that’s not what I was thinking.”

“Oh?”

“Did the Summoner brief you on the, ah, differences here in Askr?”

“If you mean the new sexual dynamics, yes. That was the first thing she mentioned.”

Marth’s cheeks turned pink, and he looked away. “I might ask, but…”

“You can smell he’s an alpha,” Ike said nonchalantly.

“Right.”

“And you, Your Highness?” Meta Knight wondered.

“Can you tell?”

He’d only been in Askr for little more than a day. Serpi had given him the rundown of sexual dynamics here; something about a magical energy that affected everyone who came to this world. He understood that there were two sets of binary sexes: Male and female, and alpha and omega. Simply put, secondary sexual characteristics developed independently from their primary counterparts, resulting in a grab-bag of sex and gender that blended what most would think of as “traditional” roles.

Being several centuries old, and a veteran of space travel, Meta Knight was familiar with the concept. Sex and gender were fluid things that followed no set laws once one ventured from their planet of origin. He had to say, however, that he had never heard of a planet that actually converted one’s sex to fit its whims. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think that they were all just playthings of some dark force that found all of this highly amusing.

“I’m not sure if I can tell at a glance, just yet,” Meta Knight admitted. “As for scent, I’m still getting used to everything.”

“It might help if…” Marth bit his lower lip. “Maybe we could get closer…”

“Whelp, that’s my cue.” Ike rolled over and stood up, brushing himself off. “See you guys later.” Without a backward glance, he strode off down the hill towards the gardens.

“It seems he remembers our relationship from the tournament,” Meta Knight said.

“Ah, yes… I do, too.”

Meta Knight leaned closer to Marth, putting an arm hesitantly around the slim man’s waist. “Shall we test this, then?”

“You’re much bolder than I expected,” Marth said with a little smile. “You’ve never been this forward in a public place.”

“Somehow, I don’t feel quite like myself.” Meta Knight reached up to lift his mask. Marth’s breath caught in his throat. He’d been very attracted to the knight in his normal form – somewhat too attracted, he often thought. In his human body, though, Meta Knight was incredibly handsome. His chiseled jawline was streaked with short, stubbly hairs that invited Marth to raise his fingers and explore. His eyes gleamed golden even in the pale sunlight. And his scent…

Marth had been in Askr long enough that his sense of smell was well honed. The scent that practically rolled off of the knight was powerful, dominating… It enraptured him. Unconsciously, he leaned closer and closer, until he was resting his head on Meta Knight’s solid breastplate. Meta Knight lowered himself to bury his nose in Marth’s hair, inhaling deeply of the hero-king’s scent. It was the same as he remembered, yet different somehow. There was an underlying sweetness to Marth’s scent, something musky and gentle, like a faint perfume that complimented his natural scent.

“You’re… You’re scenting me.”

“What?” Meta Knight pulled back. Marth’s eyes were closed, and they fluttered open as he withdrew. The hero-king smiled shyly.

“When you rub against me like that, you put your scent on me. It’s something alphas do by instinct.”

“I see.” He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “I’m surprised that I’m picking up these behaviors so quickly.”

“Instinct is powerful,” Marth said, playing with a blade of grass. “Well, could you determine my… my sex?”

He knew, without having to confirm it. “You’re an omega.”

“Right.”

Meta Knight had many questions. He wanted to know what this meant, what they were supposed to do, what would happen if they did what they were obviously both thinking of doing. But none of that really mattered at the moment. All he knew was that he’d been reunited with Marth, and that’s all he cared about.

>>><<< 

“Hey, Meta Knight!”

Roy came dashing over from across the dining hall. Meta Knight nodded to him, and then to Robin and Corrin as they approached. “So, I see that quite a few of you are here,” the knight said.

“Yeah! Corrina’s here, too. And Rob.”

“I suppose you saw Ike and Marth already?” Robin said.

“Yes, but not Princess Lucina.”

The white-haired mage blushed. “Well, ah… That’s because she’s…” She looked back over her shoulder and gestured, and presently Chrom came over with a small, blue-haired toddler in his arms.

“Well met!” Chrom said cheerfully. “I don’t believe we had much opportunity to chat back at Smash Castle. I wasn’t there long before I was summoned here.”

“And this is Lucina,” Robin said. “Lucina, this is Meta Knight. Can you say hi?”

The little girl looked at him, and then buried her face in her father’s shoulder. Meta Knight chuckled. “Well met, princess. It is a pleasure to be in your service.”

“She’s nearly two years old,” Robin said proudly.

“You have been quite busy, then,” Meta Knight said, and Chrom cleared his throat, looking away.

“I also have a child now,” Corrin said. “Do you remember Lady Azura? I spoke of her often.”

“So, you were reunited with her.”

“Yes,” the dragon prince said happily. “Our son Shigure has just reached his second birthday.”

“Ike has a son, as well,” Robin said, and at this, Meta Knight actually started.

“You must be joking. With whom?”

“Do you see that long-haired guy over there?” Roy pointed across the dining hall, and Meta Knight leaned over the table to get a better look. There was indeed a young man with long, black hair sitting next to Ike at another table. In his arms was a small, squirming bundle.

“That’s Soren,” Robin said. “Their son Priam was born just six months ago.”

“So, that’s Soren,” Meta Knight mused. “Ike spoke of him often.”

“Really?” Roy quipped. “None of us ever knew about him. It came as a shock when we found out.”

Meta Knight didn’t mention that he, Marth, and Ike had shared a very close friendship. Instead, he changed the subject. “I saw someone earlier who greatly resembled you, Roy. Might that have been…?”

“My father,” Roy said, his face lighting up. “Oh, you have to meet him! I know you two would really hit it off. You should spar with him sometime!”

“Lady Ninian is also here,” Corrin said, and Roy nodded vigorously.

“Yes, my mother! Can you believe it? I don’t remember her very well from my childhood, but she’s here, and we’ve been able to reconnect. I’ll introduce you to her, as well.”

“And don’t forget your girlfriend,” Robin said with a teasing lilt in her voice.

Roy’s face instantly grew as red as his hair. “Sh- she’s not my girlfriend!” he barked. “Just a friend.”

“Tell that to Hector,” Chrom said with a laugh.

An old, familiar feeling was beginning to stir in Meta Knight’s blood. There were many warriors here, with many different talents. He hadn’t realized it before, but he had begun to grow weary of the Smash Brothers tournament. Castle Gloria was full of fresh faces, and the battlefields were ripe with new enemies to face.

He was beginning to think he would like it here.


	2. That Time Rob Got Drunk at a Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people get together for a picnic and a chat.

It was the perfect time of year for a picnic. Robin hummed to herself as she spread out the blanket, making sure there were no wrinkles and that the grass was tramped down properly before she nodded to Rob. The male image of herself stepped forward and placed the basket in the center of the blue cloth, and sat down with his legs crossed. Robin followed suit, and the others gathered around them – Marth, Lilina, Soren, and Niles.

They were an unusual group, to say the least. The two Robins were perhaps the only ones who were aware of this fact. Two amnesiacs, a prince, a perky young noblewoman, a solemn mage, and a pervert. If nothing else, they should have only been cordial to each other; yet they had found themselves thrust into a kind of camaraderie that facilitated this kind of friendly activity.

“I’m so hungry…” Lilina moaned as Rob opened the basket and began to pass out plates.

“I hope you didn’t pack too many sweets,” Soren mumbled as he peered over Robin’s shoulder.

“Relax, it’s mostly sandwiches.” Rob brought out a box of neatly-packed chicken sandwiches and showed it to Soren, who looked it over critically before nodding and reaching out to take one. A container of chopped carrots and celery, a tin of glazed apple slices, strips of flatbread, and cookies followed, all spread out so that people could take what they wanted.

“I brought the tea,” Lilina said, holding out the pitcher so Robin could put it with the food.

“And I brought something a little better.” Niles pulled a small flask from his breast pocket, and held it up so its contents could be heard sloshing around inside. “Are we game?”

“Isn’t it a bit early to start drinking?” Marth said with a nervous laugh.

“As our Summoner once said, it’s five o’clock somewhere.” The archer uncorked the flask and took a hearty swig.

“Serpi doesn’t even drink,” Robin pointed out.

“I think I’ll have some.” Rob held out his cup of tea. “Just a splash, there we are.”

“It’s good stuff,” Niles said.

“Mm. Yeah.” Rob coughed a little at the kick. “Not very smooth, though. I think I’ll have wine, instead.” He handed his cup to Niles and pulled a bottle out of his robe.

“Where were you keeping that?” Lilina asked in shock.

“You’d be surprised how much these robes will hold.”

“Can I have some?” Robin accepted the bottle, and held it out after filling her cup. “Anyone else? Marth, I think you mentioned that you liked this particular kind.”

“Ah, no, that’s alright.” Marth sipped his tea with a slight blush on his cheeks. “Thank you.”

With not a cloud in the sky and a cool, gentle breeze, it was shaping up to be a beautiful spring day. The sun was almost directly overhead, but they were shielded by the spreading branches of an oak tree that stood on the edge of Castle Gloria’s gardens. Tulips, daffodils, lilies, azaleas, and rhododendron were all putting on a dazzling show with bright, full blooms. The droning of honey bees was everywhere.

“Ugh, it smells like Ursula’s armpits out here.” Soren wrinkled his nose.

Robin and Rob burst into laughter, while Lilina tried and failed to hide a giggle. Niles smirked. “And just how would _you _know, Soren?”

“I wouldn’t!” the strategist balked. “And anyway, you wouldn’t even have to get that close to her to smell it. I think she bathes in perfume.”

“I think it smells nice out here,” Lilina said with an audible sniff. “Like a flower shop!”

“Apparently, it’s giving Soren fond memories.” Niles said.

“Shut up!” Soren bristled.

“Digging around in her drawers, are you?”

“Really, Niles, rein it in,” Robin admonished. “What’s with you today? You’re more vicious than usual.”

“It’s his heat,” Rob said, earning a glare from Niles. “Prince Leo isn’t back from the border yet, is he?”

Niles didn’t say anything, instead staring into his flask. “Speaking of heat, mine’s a little late this year,” Robin said with a sigh. “Chrom’s getting impatient.”

“Alphas are always eager for it,” Niles said. “Doesn’t matter to them whether you’re in heat or not. You can never tell when they’re likely to jump you. They always have a predatory look, don’t they?”

“Niles, you pounce on Leo like he’s a piece of meat,” Soren said bluntly.

“Genteel little me?” Niles said in feigned shock. “Perish the thought!”

“I can see what you mean, though,” Robin said. “Chrom always looks forward to heat, because then he lets instinct take over. He’s much less clumsy then.”

“I wonder…” Lilina mused, and then snapped her mouth shut again.

“What?” Rob asked.

“Um, well… You know, Corrin and Tiki are going together… Aren’t they both omegas?”

“You mean female Corrin?”

“Sorry, Corrina. I guess it’s none of my business, though. Forget I said anything!”

“No, you’ve got a point,” Niles said, eager to fuel the flames of gossip. “I wonder how they do ‘it’?”

“That’s not what I was wondering!” The girl spilled some of her tea as she yelled at Niles, her face now bypassing red and turning purple. “It’s just that, alphas can be hard to understand! With two omegas, it seems like you’d have an easier time talking about your feelings and things like that.”

“That’s true, I suppose,” Robin mused. “But not all omegas are comfortable with their emotions. Just look at Soren.”

“How about nobody looks at me, and we change the subject?” Soren said.

“How about we talk about our other halves,” Niles suggested with a purr in his voice. “Of course, mine is so much more handsome than any of yours… So, there’s really no comparing him. But who do you think would come in second?”

“If we’re rating based on looks, then Chrom,” Robin said.

“Ahaha… Should we really talk about this?” Marth said.

“Why not? Yours is quite attractive, you know…” Niles took a cup of tea and added a generous helping from his flask. “And so exotic. I can hardly believe that he used to look different.”

“He certainly did,” Marth said. “When we met at the Smash Brothers tournament, he wasn’t human at all.”

“It’s just hard to imagine,” Lilina said. “Roy told me about him, too, but Meta Knight is so… tall! He really used to be short and round?”

“Yes, and adorable.” Marth blushed, realizing what he’d said. “Of course, he hated to hear talk like that. He’s from another planet, you know, and everyone looked more or less like he did.”

“Wow…”

“Look at you, growing so misty-eyed,” Niles said. “I wish I’d gotten an eyeful with everyone else. I’m still kicking myself for staying behind that day…”

Marth’s face reddened even further, along with everyone else’s. The rest of them had been present when Serpi had done the impossible and summoned a warrior from beyond the stars. Though Meta Knight was not a contracted hero like the others, he was more than willing to stay and lend his aid wherever he could. The fact that he’d appeared wearing nothing but a mask, a cape, and a few pieces of armor had only served to heighten the intrigue surrounding him.

“Tell me, is his ‘equipment’ as impressive as the rest of him?”

“His new armor suits him well,” Marth said deftly.

“Oho, princey, you _know _that’s not what I was referring to…”

Marth sipped his tea without comment, and Niles’ smirk widened into a grin.

“It must be, or else you wouldn’t be so flustered.”

“Niles…” Rob’s tone carried a warning, but Niles merely stuck his tongue out at him.

“Oh, shove off. We were discussing our mates, weren’t we? Or… perhaps you’re jealous? You’re the only one here who’s single.”

“**You** shove off!” Rob said, his temper flaring as a visible green aura.

“Both of you shove off,” Robin groaned.

“Really, now…” Marth sighed. “Niles, aren’t you supposed to behave yourself? Your children might pick up some bad habits.”

“They’re smarter than to pick anything up from me,” Niles said. “Though… Speaking of children…” He gave Marth a look that the prince chose to ignore, but it caught Lilina’s attention.

“What?” she asked, looking between them.

“It’s nothing,” Marth mumbled into his sandwich.

“You’re not going to tell anyone? It’s going to be fairly obvious, soon enough,” Niles said.

“I didn’t want to derail the conversation, but since you brought it up…” Marth sighed again, and set his plate in his lap. “I’m pregnant.”

“WHAT?!” Rob and Robin both exclaimed, while Lilina squealed in delight and clapped her hands together. Soren merely raised an eyebrow.

“I found out last week.” Marth said this as if he was trying to apologize.

“And I overheard it the other day,” Niles said. “Not that I meant to.”

“Yes, you were just innocently sneaking around,” Rob said with a roll of his eyes. “Anyway, Marth, congratulations!”

“Thank you.”

“Does Meta Knight know yet?” Robin asked.

“Yes, we discussed it. He’s rather excited, I think.”

“I do wonder what it’ll be…” Niles said with a finger to his cheek. “A boy? A girl? A puffball?”

“Ahaha…” Not knowing what to say to that, Marth used another sandwich as an excuse not to talk.

“You’re certainly in for a rough time,” Niles sighed in a wistful way. “It makes me nostalgic just to think about it… Morning sickness, back aches, being so tired that I felt like living death… And of course, the birth!” He shivered, obviously enjoying imparting the imagery onto his companions. “I just wanted to _die_!”

“Are you trying to scare him?” Robin said with a glare. “It’s not as bad as all that!”

“Um… Robin, when you had Lucina, you bitched about the pregnancy nonstop,” Rob said, earning a glare, himself.

“Besides,” Robin said, bypassing Rob’s comment, “You were pregnant with twins. It was a lot harder on you. Really, don’t let him scare you, Marth.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be difficult,” Marth said. “But I’m not worried. I can handle it.”

“Well, that makes Lilina the only one here who hasn’t experienced the joy of childbirth,” Niles said. “Oh, and Rob. But he’s not likely to any time soon.” This earned him a cookie thrown at his head, which he caught and ate with exaggerated pleasure for Rob’s sake.

“Wait a minute…” Lilina frowned. “Corrina and Tiki have a child… How did that happen?”

“Er, well…” Robin suddenly became very interested in her wine.

“Dragons are capable of magical conception,” Rob said. “Kana was formed from an egg which Corrina and Tiki formed together. It’s very simple, actually. When a dragon experiences a feeling of love, they…”

“Ugh, alright, we didn’t ask for a play-by-play,” Soren grimaced.

“Fascinating, indeed,” Niles said. “So, this means that milady Corrina is lacking some sort of magical dick, then?”

Lilina blanched, and Robin covered her face with her hands. Soren was the only one who laughed, snickering behind his raised cup, but Marth could have sworn that he heard Rob giggle. Niles shrugged. “Could have fooled me. So, who’s up for another round?”

“You know…” Rob said after a moment of silence, “if any of us omegas does have a penis, it’s probably Camilla.”

“Rob!” Robin spluttered as Niles broke into cackling fits of laughter.

“I’m serious! Haven’t you seen some of her sketches? Futanari, I think is’ called. Omegas with alpha equipment. And they always seem to be very busty. I think she’s drawin’ from experience.” He took another sip of his wine, and Robin immediately snatched the cup away.

“You’ve had enough,” she said, dumping the contents into the grass.

“Have I?” There was no mistaking it now – Rob was giggling. Niles’ grin was barely hidden by the mouth of the flask.

“Damn it all, Niles!” Robin rounded on the archer. “Every time we want to have a nice little outing, you have to get him sloshed!”

“He’s the one who brought the wine,” Niles pointed out.

“Just once, I’d love to have a sober picnic…” Lilina sighed.

“Now, how is that any fun?”

“Niles!” Robin snapped.

“Oh, shove it. Here, have a cuppa.” Niles held out his spiked tea.

“Impossible…”

“Nothing is impossible if you really put your mind to it,” Rob said inconsequentially.

“Well, I think it’s a good time to pack up,” Marth said, stacking plates. When Rob started getting tipsy, it was almost always the ending point to their outings.


	3. That Time Lucina Played Bowling Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fun family outing to the beach. What could go wrong?

Summertime in Askr was beautiful and bright, and ideal for seaside fun. Still, Soren would have appreciated a cloudier day. He squinted in the harsh sunlight, holding a hand over his face so he could scout out the beach for the others.

“Hey, there they are!” Ike stepped ahead of Soren, and the mage followed his mate across the sand, grimacing at the feeling of grit sliding into his sandals. Ike’s boots sank with every step, so it was slow going for both of them. The child in Ike’s arms was getting almost too wound up to contain by the time they reached the little patch of beach towels and umbrellas laid out a good distance from the water.

Marth, Meta Knight, Niles, Leo, Robin, Chrom, Robbie (as the female Robin was colloquially called), Corrin, and Laslow were already there. Xander was a little way off, talking with Camilla and Elise. The children were all in various states of preparation, with some blowing up inner tubes and others reluctantly allowing the application of sunscreen.

Priam dropped to the sand as soon as Ike let him go, and walked over to Kirby and Marth, who were both sitting under a purple umbrella as Marth helped the two-year-old put on inflatable arm rings. “Hi!” Priam said.

“Poyo!” Kirby replied, waving and dislodging one of his water wings.

“Come here, Priam.” Soren picked the child up and held him firmly while Ike spread out a beach towel. “Would you hand me the sunscreen?”

“Still don’t see why we need this stuff,” Ike said, digging in the tote for the bottle of lotion. “A little sun never hurt anyone.”

“Need I remind you of your last shirtless training session?” Soren asked, and Ike mumbled something unintelligible as Soren began rubbing lotion on a squirming Priam. The little boy was ready to go play, and didn’t want to waste time on something as trivial as sunburn prevention. Soren was able to cover most of him before the boy finally got free and ran towards the waves, his father in hot pursuit. “Ugh, those two…” Soren groaned.

“Well, there is a proper place to be excited,” Marth said, standing up and taking Kirby by the hand. “The beach is one of those places.”

“That’s a good way to get yourself drowned, or sunburned, or stung by a jellyfish, or…”

“Is that Soren I hear complaining?” Niles sat up, lifting a pair of dark glasses from over his one eye. “Oh, my… Had a little fun last night, did we?”

Soren pulled his loose shirt collar closed, hiding the red marks Ike had left on his neck. “None of your business, one-eye,” he scowled.

“Sounds like you need another lay.”

“I- isn’t this great?” Chrom interjected before Soren could retort. “Lucina just loves the beach, don’t you, sweetheart?”

“Yep!” the blue-haired girl replied cheerfully as she concentrated on building a sandcastle with Morgan and Kana.

“Oh, Gods above, here he comes…” Laslow groaned, looking off across the sand. The others followed his line of sight and saw that Inigo was traipsing towards them with Olivia following. Ophelia was in his arms, trying her damnedest to wiggle out of her blue swimsuit.

“Hello, everyone!” the young dancer called.

“Hello!” Olivia echoed.

“Why, it’s Inigo! So nice to see you,” Niles said with a sly grin. “It seems as if I just saw you, though…” his gaze drifted towards Laslow, who was resolutely ignoring his other self.

“Thought we would come say hello,” Inigo said, glancing at his older self. “How is Soleil doing?”

“Nearly recovered,” Laslow said curtly. “Selena agreed to watch her for us today.”

“Well, that’s good. I suppose little Siegbert is with his father?” Inigo’s smile was warm and welcoming, but Laslow avoided his gaze entirely. “Odin is around here somewhere. I think he went to find a mermaid.”

“That’s preposterous,” Soren said. “There are no mermaids.”

“Well, you know Serpi is fond of them… I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d found some way to summon them here!” Inigo said playfully.

“Wawawa!” Ophelia began to wiggle again, and Inigo handed her over into Olivia’s outstretched arms.

“Thanks, Mother,” he said. “So, would anyone mind terribly if I joined you?”

“Not at all,” Marth said graciously, but Laslow rose and brushed sand off of his shorts.

“I need to find Xander,” he said. “I am his retainer, you know; can’t slack simply because we’re at the beach.”

“Right, like there are assassins hiding in the sandcastles,” Corrin laughed, and Kana gasped, suddenly thrusting his fist into the castle he’d been building with his friends.

“No, they’re not really in there!” Corrin hurried to fix the mound of sand as Morgan began to cry. Robin hurried over to soothe him while Lucina berated Kana for punching their hard work.

“I think I hate myself,” Inigo said sullenly, plopping onto a towel and putting his chin in his hand.

“I’m sure that’s not it,” Marth said reassuringly. “It’s probably just strange to him.”

“Yeah, it must be weird to see you married to someone else, with a totally different kid…” Rob said. “It was awkward when I first arrived and saw my other self with Chrom.”

“Huh… You don’t think he’s jealous, do you?” Inigo frowned. “No, I’m not the jealous type… Oh, but what might have happened to me in those years?”

“Best not to worry about it, dear,” Olivia said, bouncing Ophelia on her hip.

“I guess,” Inigo sighed. “Well, no reason to dwell on it! Let’s have fun, everyone!”

>>><<< 

Priam raced towards the surf, his bare feet kicking sand up in sprays behind him. Before he could reach the water, though, he was suddenly lifted into the air and onto a broad shoulder. “Daaaaad!” he whined, kicking his legs against his father’s chest. “I wanna swiiiiiim!”

“Yeah, not without me,” Ike said firmly. He walked into the water with a steady tread, keeping Priam well out of the crashing waves until they reached smoother water. Priam practically leapt off of him as soon as Ike let him go.

“Aha, so you’re the ones causing so much ruckus.”

A jolt shot through Ike’s chest, and he turned to see his father wading out to join them. A smile quirked the side of his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say. Serpi had summoned Greil several months ago, but it was still a shock to see him alive and well. It was especially jarring today, because the older man was wearing a pair of baggy orange swim trunks. Ike wasn’t sure that he’d ever seen his father so relaxed. It was almost more ludicrous than the outfit he’d been wearing when he first appeared, with all the flowers and ribbons.

“Gramps, I’m a shark!” Priam shouted, lurching up from the water to grab onto Greil’s hand.

“HA! A shark, eh? I know how to deal with sharks!”

Watching his son and his father splashing each other filled Ike with a warm feeling throughout his chest. He couldn’t help smiling at the sight… until the smile was wiped off his face by a powerful splash directed at him. Shaking himself like a dog, he glared and dove into the sea, chasing after the pair with revenge on his mind.

Soon, they were joined by Soren and Mist, who had come along with Cain (were they involved with each other? Ike would have to inquire about that later). Priam swam over to his mother and raised his hands as if to splash, but was cowed by a look from Soren. Instead, he slapped the water in Mist’s direction, shrieking in delight when she returned fire.

“Looks like a lot of fun out there!”

Ike turned to see Nino coming towards them. Her two sons, Raigh and Lugh, followed. “Oh, hi, Nino!” Mist called, waving to them. “Hi, boys! Where’s Jaffar?”

“Oh, you know him. He won’t join in things like this,” Nino sighed. “But the boys wanted to go swimming, so I was more than happy to come along!”

“Just Lugh wanted to go!” Raigh protested, glaring at his twin in a vague imitation of his father. “I didn’t wanna come.”

“Oh, some sun will be good for you,” Nino said. “Go on, now. But stay in sight, OK?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“OK, fine.”

Priam, who had been riding on Mist’s back, let go and swam towards the older boys. “Hi, guys!” he said.

“Go away, kid,” Raigh said, but Lugh nudged him on the shoulder.

“Wanna race?” Priam asked, nonplussed by Raigh’s rudeness.

“Psh. You wouldn’t stand a chance against us,” Raigh scoffed.

“Hey, I’m strong! My dad says so!”

“Doesn’t matter how strong you think you are,” Raigh said, reaching into the pocket of his red swim trunks. “We’ve got magic on our side, so you’d be blown out of the water.”

Priam’s eyes widened when Raigh held up a sheet of paper. “How come it’s not wet?” he asked.

“It’s magic,” Lugh said with a little flush of pride. “I enchanted it.”

“Wow…”

“That’s not the impressive part, stupid,” Raigh said. “This is part of a tome. Know what a tome is?”

“Uh… Nope.” Priam frowned. “So, what is it?”

“Ugh, you’re an idiot… A tome is a magic book. This is a page from a magic book! Get it?”

“Yeah! Oh, wait… Um, no.”

“RRG! Why am I explaining this to you?” Raigh swam away, and Lugh gave an apologetic shrug before following him. Priam tried to tag along, but was stopped by Ike’s hand on his arm.

“Come on, kiddo, time for a break.”

“But, Dad!”

“Mom said so.”

“But…!”

“Hey, you have lunch waiting for you,” Greil said, and Priam kicked off of Ike’s chest, leaving his father winded as he paddled towards shore as fast as he could. “Haha, you need to know how to motivate him!” Greil slapped Ike on the shoulder. “He’s a lot like you were at that age.”

“Yeah? I don’t remember being such a brat,” Ike wheezed, rubbing his midsection.

“You had your moments,” Greil said. “Now, let’s see what they’re cooking up over there. Smells like meat grilling.”

Greil was left in a spray of sea water as Ike took off like a shot towards the beach.

Back on land, Alfonse and Sharena had brought food. Indeed, meat and vegetable skewers were grilling on a rack over an open fire. Soren grabbed Priam just in time to stop the boy from reaching right for the succulent morsels. Soon he was settled between his parents on a beach towel, chewing contentedly.

But not even the delicious, juicy taste of meat could keep him from noticing the two green-haired boys rocketing around in the water.

The first splashes caught Priam’s eye, but he paid them no mind. When he heard Raigh and Lugh shouting in joy, though, he looked up to see them propelling themselves impossibly fast, looking like flying fish skimming the water.

“Mom, I wanna go swim,” he said, putting his half-eaten skewer down on the sand.

“Ugh!” Soren picked up the skewer and muttered a spell to clean it. “Priam, what did I tell you about leaving food unfinished?”

“I’ll eat it,” Ike said, snatching it and beginning to gnaw on it in pure single-minded hunger.

“Mooooom!”

“We’ll go in a minute!”

“Aww…” Priam flopped onto his back, and rolled around onto his stomach, his head propped in his hands as he watched Raigh and Lugh shooting across the waves. He wanted to do it, too. But he wasn’t magic.

A thought occurred to him then. “Mom, Mom!” he sat up and tugged on Soren’s arm.

“What is it, Priam?”

“Can you make me do that?”

Soren looked over to where Priam was pointing. His brows creased. “That’s a misuse of magic if I ever saw one. It’s dangerous to play around with things like that.”

“But I wanna go zoom, too!”

“No, Priam.”

The boy’s mouth turned down in a pout. “Dad? Can I do that?”

“Mom said no,” Ike shrugged. “Sorry, son.”

Priam glanced over at Greil, who was sitting over by Mist and Cain. “Grampa?”

“Oh, don’t look at me!” Greil laughed. “I’m not prepared to stand up to your mother. I already died once.”

“RrrrRRRRG!” Priam stood and stomped on the ground. “Wanna zoom! I wanna!”

“And I want a quiet little boy who will just eat lunch without complaining,” Soren said, not turning his attention away from his cup of iced tea. “We don’t always get what we want, Priam.”

The boy huffed, kicked at the sand, and dropped down against his father’s back. “I wanna…”

And then, as if the gods were answering his hopes, he got his chance. Raigh and Lugh came striding over the sand, their hair sticking up all over the place and grins on their faces. They went to get some food, and Priam’s eyes went wide as he saw something gleaming near the water.

Glancing at his parents to make sure they were occupied, he rushed forward and picked up the scrap of paper. Grinning to himself, he hid it behind his back just as Ike came running after him, grabbing his arm and pulling him back towards their spot. The paper seemed to tingle in his hand, as if it were alive. Settling behind Ike with his back to his father’s, he smoothed out the slick paper and tried to make sense of the marks.

“Oh…” He groaned, realization hitting him like a slap to the face. It would help if he could read.

He stood up and walked over to Lucina and Morgan, who were sitting with Shigure and Shiro. The four of them seemed to be comparing seashells that they had found. Priam strode up to them and knelt down so he could speak quietly. This mission was of the utmost importance.

“Hey, Priam,” Lucina said, holding out a white scallop shell as big as her palm. “Look at this! Isn’t it cool?”

“Not really,” Priam said bluntly, and Lucina pouted.

“What do you know? I think it’s great!”

“I got something cooler,” Priam said, showing them the paper. “Know what this does? It makes you go FWOOM across the water!”

Lucina’s furor was quelled by curiosity. “Where’d you get that?” she asked.

“Raigh and Lugh.”

“Can you show us?” Shigure asked.

“Well, uh…” Priam picked at a clump of sand at his feet. “I can’t read. I thought you guys could tell me how to do it.”

“You can’t read?” Lucina snickered. “You’re five years old already!”

“Hey, I can read!”

“You just said…!”

“I can read, I just… I’m not good at it!” Priam huffed, his face burning red.

“Well, I won’t read it,” Shigure said seriously. “My mother told me not to play with magic. She says it’s dangerous.”

“I wanna do iiiit!” Shiro whined, but nobody paid him any attention; he wasn’t old enough to read yet.

“Lucina, you wanna?” Priam asked hopefully. “I’ll let you try it out first.”

“Hmm…” Lucina tilted her head and frowned at the paper. “Yeah, OK.”

“You really shouldn’t,” Shigure warned, backing away a bit.

“OK, stand back, Morgan.” Lucina picked her baby brother up and scooted him away a little. Shigure held onto him as she took the paper and stood apart from the others. “Ahem…”

>>><<< 

Laslow caught up to Xander as he was wading into the water, holding Siegbert on his shoulder. “Ma!” the toddler reached out, nearly falling off of his father’s shoulder, and Laslow caught him and held him close.

“Such a lovely little sunbeam!” Laslow said, nuzzling his son’s hair as the child hugged him about the neck. “You’re going to grow up to turn heads, just like me.”

“Let us hope he shows more restraint than his mother,” Xander said.

“I’m sure he shall, if he’s anything like his father,” Laslow replied with a wink. “I noticed you don’t have Lilith with you.”

Xander glanced over his shoulder, towards the inflated dragon toy sitting on his spread beach towel. “We’re merely wading in the surf.”

“I see.”

Laslow set Siegbert down into the water, holding the child’s hands so his legs could dangle in the waves. He didn’t realize that Xander was watching him until his lord spoke again. “Something troubles you.”

“What do you mean?” Laslow didn’t look up.

“You’re not yourself. What’s wrong?” It was more a command than a question. Laslow finally lifted his head hesitantly, a half-smile on his face.

“Nothing, my lord. Er… Xander.” Five years together, and he still hadn’t gotten used to addressing his husband by name in public.

Xander wasn’t convinced. Laslow knew that he wouldn’t be. His gaze dropped once more, and he sat on the sand with Siegbert in his lap. Xander sat next to them. “Every time you see him, you have a certain look on your face. Why is that, Laslow?”

The omega watched Siegbert kicking his legs in the water. “Of whom do you speak?”

“I don’t need to tell you,” Xander said. “Why does he upset you so?”

Laslow looked out across the beach, where Odin was trotting over to the little group of beachgoers. Watching as his younger self – as Inigo, he thought vehemently – rose to greet the mage, Laslow felt the familiar anger bubbling in his chest. It was acidic, rising in his throat; something akin to disgust.

“Are you… perhaps jealous?”

The silver-haired man whipped around to face his lord, his eyes wide and horrified. “N- no! Never!” Now he just hated himself. Xander looked so dejected that Laslow wanted to throw his arms around his broad shoulders. He would have, but for the toddler in his lap. “Xander, I…”

“Perhaps you’re thinking about what could have been.”

“I am!” Laslow spat, and then let his mouth fall open as he realized what it meant. In his lap, Siegbert was getting upset watching this exchange between his parents. He wiggled around so he could hide his face in his mother’s chest, holding onto Laslow’s swim top with a tiny fist. Laslow was too anguished to notice. He was staring into Xander’s eyes fearfully. “I… I am. And it frightens me.”

“What do you mean?” Xander scooted closer and lifted one hand to rest on Siegbert’s head. The other cupped Laslow’s cheek, the thumb brushing under his eye.

“Xander… I…” He was getting lost in Xander’s gaze. It was soothing. He swallowed, and tried again to speak. “He reminds me of who I used to be. And that… that I very nearly could have missed out on…” His embrace around Siegbert tightened, and he dropped his head to bury his face in platinum-blonde hair.

“Oh, Laslow… Is that what worries you?”

“I love you, my lor- Xander.” Laslow blinked up at him with tear-filled eyes. “I hate to think that, should we never have met…”

“You once had feelings for Odin, didn’t you?”

“Once, yes… But never, after I became your retainer. I swear it!”

“I know.” Xander smiled at him. “I’m not concerned about your love for me, Laslow.”

“I just…”

“Inigo is Inigo,” Xander said. “And Laslow is Laslow. You cannot confuse the two; you are no longer that person.”

Laslow nodded, a genuine smile tugging at his lips. “You make it sound so simple, Xander.”

“That’s because it is simple. I’m not worried, and neither should you be.”

“Oh, Xander…”

They leaned into each other, Laslow resting against his alpha’s broad chest and cradling their child in his lap. Siegbert peeked up at them, and his parents smiled, reassuring him that everything was alright.

This beautiful family moment was ruined when Lucina came careening into them.

>>><<< 

The aftermath would come to be known among the children of Castle Gloria as The Great Scolding. By the time the parents had sorted out what happened, everyone was grounded. Raigh and Lugh were in trouble for bringing the spell to the beach in the first place. Lucina was in trouble for reading the spell. Priam was in trouble for encouraging her to read the spell. And Shigure and Shiro were in trouble for not telling someone what was happening.

“I’m sorry I thought you had approved of that,” Corrin said to Nino as they sat in the lounge one day.

“I can’t blame you,” Nino sighed. “I thought they were old enough that I could relax a little about supervising them.”

“Oh, a child of that age is far worse than a younger one,” Hector laughed, slapping his knee. “Why, I remember some of the things Eliwood and I got up to, long ago…”

“Well, look who it is. Speak of the devil…” Corrin said as Priam, Shigure, and Lucina shuffled in, all wielding rags and feather dusters. Shigure was pulling a wheeled mop bucket behind him.

“Looks like the cleaning crew has arrived!” Hector said. “Come on, let’s leave them to it.”

“Be sure to get every speck of dust,” Corrin said as he followed Hector and Nino out of the lounge.

“This sucks!” Priam groaned, kicking at the ornate rug.

“It’s your fault, Priam,” Shigure said ruefully.

“Hey, it’s those guys’ fault! They dropped the stupid spell!”

“And you picked it up!”

“Stop it, guys!” Lucina shouted. “Let’s just finish so we can go play.”

“Yeah, let’s finish.” Priam set his duster down on a nearby table and dug around in his pocket. “Lucky for us, I got a spell that’ll make it go by real fast. It sucks up dust, and…”

“Oh, no. No more spells.” Shigure crossed his arms. “We’re not supposed to play with magic!”

“It’s not playing, it’s work. I got it from Raigh. He says it’ll help us get done with chores like that!” he emphasized his point by snapping his fingers.

Lucina and Shigure looked at each other. Then they both advanced on Priam; picked him up, kicking and shouting; and unceremoniously dumped him into the mop bucket.


	4. That Time the Kids Went to War (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween is coming up, and it's serious business for the kids of Castle Gloria.

It was the largest meeting in the history of Askr’s Castle Gloria – at least, the largest meeting to take place in the east tower. Kana looked out over all the gathered units, each one a fine soldier in their own right. This year, they would be prepared. They would be ready. He had gathered every child in the castle to this spot, and they were going to do this properly. It wouldn’t be like last year. Kana had to reassure himself of that. It would not be like last year…

“Is everybody here?” Lucina called over the chatter, swiveling her head left to right as she counted. Nine heads – not counting hers, Morgan’s, and Kana’s – turned in her direction briefly before resuming their talk. Ophelia and Kirby, the two youngest, were climbing on the green sofa to get a better look at the garden beyond the beveled glass windows, which were open to allow a warm breeze inside. Priam was currently in an arm-wrestling match with Soleil. Forrest was playing with his curled hair. Nina appeared to be eyeing the jeweled daggers displayed high above them on the walls, while her cousin Siegbert tried to pull her away from them. Kanako was playing patty-cake with her older brother Shigure.

Lucina took stock again, just to be sure. “Where’s Shiro?”

“I’m here!” The brunette prince came dashing through the double doors, out of breath and wearing smears of jam on his face. “Sorry, I was eating. What’s up, everybody? Lucina?” he gave her a clumsy wink.

“OK, now we’re all here,” Lucina said with a roll of her eyes. “Go on, Kana.”

Kana nodded to the older girl, and cleared his throat. “Listen up, everyone!” The din died down somewhat as he spoke. “We all know why we’re here. We all know what we have to do.”

“I don’t!” Nina called out, giggling as Siegbert tried to shush her.

“Actually, yeah, what is this meeting about?” Priam asked, his frown so reminiscent of his father’s that Kana briefly faltered; it was as if the vanguard legend were actually standing there instead of the eight-year-old.

“Don’t you people know that it’s almost Halloween?!” Morgan exclaimed, stepping away from his older sister’s side.

“It’s like a whole month away,” Kanako said.

“You’re another me; you’re supposed to get it!” Kana groaned. “Guys, last year was bad. Really bad. We gotta plan this time!”

“I wanna be a princess this year!” Ophelia squealed excitedly.

“No! No talk about costumes now!” Morgan shouted.

Kana put his arms behind his back and held himself masterfully, as he’d seen his mother do. “Last year, we left whole streets untouched. We missed out on a lot of candy.”

“That’s why we have to plan,” Morgan said. “We gotta strategize.”

“What’s that word mean?” Forrest asked, raising his hand.

“It means that we’re gonna do this like our parents when they go into battle.”

Immediately, all eyes were upon the three at the head of the room. This was serious. “OK, what do we do?” Priam asked.

Lucina straightened her skirt and reached for the little table sat against the curved wall. She and Morgan and Kana had been working all morning on plans and diagrams, and she took a rolled-up paper from the pile and spread it open so the others could see.

“We made a map of the castle,” she explained. “The green circles are the rooms where they give out the best candy. The red X’s are the ones we need to stay away from.”

“What about the houses around the castle?” Shigure asked.

“Got those in another map, here.” Kana shuffled through papers until he found it, and held it up for the others.

“We’ll waste too much time if we all go together,” Morgan said. “We’re gonna split into three teams.”

“Green is kinda hard to read,” Forrest said. “Why not make it pink?”

“Pink looks too much like red, dummy,” Nina scowled at her twin brother.

“Blue would look better,” Shiro opined, still wiping jam off of his face with his sleeve.

“Green makes more sense,” Kanako said.

“SHUT UP!” Morgan bellowed. “Does it matter what colors we use? Just so long as you can tell what places to hit, and what ones to avoid! We can’t get distracted by petty crap, people!” A few hushed gasps followed this outburst of profanity, and then people broke into excited chatter once again. His face flushed red. He was the son of the most brilliant tactician of all time! Why couldn’t he manage to keep this small group under control?

“We’re gonna hit them?” Kirby mumbled, looking concerned.

“Ooh, with what?” Shiro asked, excited again.

“I still say pink would look a lot better…”

“Alright, three teams!” Priam barked above the clamor, effectively quieting everyone again. He crossed his arms and stood at the head of the crowd, an intimidating force for which the three leaders were grateful. “Who’s gonna captain them?”

“It’ll be the oldest. Priam, we’re electing you to head one of ‘em,” Kana said, and Priam nodded. “Lucina will take another. That leaves the third for Siegbert, if you wanna.” He glanced at the blonde prince, who bowed humbly.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Hey, Shigure’s a whole year older than Siegbert!” Kanako pouted.

“It’s OK, Ko-chan. I don’t want to lead, anyway.” Shigure smiled and ruffled his sister’s hair. He may have been a prince, but he was more than happy to let Siegbert take the lead. His cousin was far more adept at things like this.

“Oh, sorry,” Kana muttered. He had almost forgotten about his brother from another universe. “But, uh, that works out, anyway. So! Pick your teammates.”

“Kirby, Soleil, Kana; you guys come with me,” Priam said, falling into a role of leadership naturally. As his father was a general, and his mother a strategist, it was natural to him. Kirby hopped off of the couch and rushed to hug Priam. Priam patted the younger boy’s pink hair uncertainly, and then pried him off so he could glom onto Soleil.

“I wanna be on Lucina’s team!” Shiro called out, waving his hand wildly.

At a glance from Lucina, Siegbert stepped forward. “Shiro, you’re on my team.”

“Awww…”

“Ophelia, do you wanna go with me?” Lucina asked, smiling at the younger girl.

“They shall sing of our deeds!” Ophelia proclaimed as Shiro glared at her balefully.

“OK, then,” Lucina giggled as Ophelia rushed to her side, her blonde wavy hair bouncing. “Shigure and Kanako, you can come with me, too, if you want.”

“OK!” Kanako stood and grabbed her brother’s hand, pulling him towards the other princess.

“Nina, you come with me,” Siegbert said. “I want to keep an eye on you… Forrest, you, too.”

“Aw, man… Why am I always last pick?” Morgan huffed.

“Oh, come over here,” Lucina giggled as Morgan pouted.

“Fine.”

Lucina ruffled her brother’s hair. “OK, everyone, remember: we’re all in this together.”

“That’s right,” Kana said. “We’ll each take a route. Then we can cover way more ground.”

“How far out are we going, anyway?” Priam asked.

“As far as the town square.”

“Woah!” came the collective exclamation.

“That’s farther than we’ve ever been before!” Soleil said excitedly.

“This is gonna be epic!” Shiro said, pumping his fist in the air.

“We’ll be legends!” Ophelia squealed, hopping up and down. “We’ll be forever imor- immor- Uh…” She stilled, and frowned as she tried to remember the word her father had used thousands of times before.

“Immortalized?” Siegbert offered.

“Yeah! That!”

“OK, then. Siegbert, your team takes the castle,” Lucina said, pulling out yet another map that showed a zoomed-out and crudely-drawn view of the castle, its surroundings, and the town beyond. “We’ll take the buildings around the castle. Priam, can you handle going into town?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“It’s not that far out,” Soleil said.

“OK, then. Let’s split into our teams and work on costumes and strategy!” Morgan said.

“I gotta potty,” Kirby whined, tugging on Priam’s hand. The dark-haired boy groaned. Maybe it wasn’t too late to swap teammates.

>>><<< 

“Ike, get up.”

The vanguard grunted; even coming out of a deep sleep, his mind was fully aware in seconds. As there were no sounds of battle or distress, he assessed that there was no threat. The lounge was empty except for himself and the person who had just walked in. His muscles relaxed again as Soren came around to sit on the other end of the sofa. “What is it, Soren?”

“I need to talk to you about Halloween.”

Ike sat up, glancing towards the window briefly to determine the time of day. Probably around two or three in the afternoon. “What about it?”

“It seems our offspring is planning to go into town for trick-or-treat.”

“OK.” That didn’t seem like a problem to Ike.

“I need you to chaperone.”

Ike’s brow furrowed. “He’s old enough, isn’t he? Besides, there’s a festival that night. There will be plenty of other people around.”

“He’s taking a few younger children with him,” Soren said, crossing his arms. “I want you to go and make sure they stay safe.”

“Yeah, OK.” Ike leaned back again. “Let me guess, Marth asked you to ask me?”

“He did, as a matter of fact. His son is going to be joining Priam’s grou- Hey!” Soren yelped as Ike suddenly reached for him, wrapping his arms around the mage’s waist as he pulled Soren over to lie on top of him. “Anyone could walk in here, you know!”

“So?” Holding Soren close, Ike began an attack on his neck, nuzzling under his ear and scraping his teeth along pale skin, just above the mark that announced his claim on the mage. With a shudder, Soren went limp in his alpha’s arms.

“I- Ike…”

“I guess Marth can’t just watch the kids himself.”

“He… He has patrol…” Soren gasped, clinging to Ike’s shirt.

“OK, I can do it.”

“Iiiiike…”

“Mom! Dad!”

Soren all but leapt out of Ike’s embrace when Priam walked into the lounge. Kirby, Soleil, and Kana were following him. Kirby waved, while Soleil giggled and whispered something to Kana, who made a face and shook his head. Ike sat up and looked at his son, who was now giving his parents a stern look.

“Come on, guys, that’s gross!”

“How do you think you got here?” Soren said, composing himself despite the blush on his cheeks.

“Eww!” Priam scrunched up his face, and brushed past his parents.

“What are you up to?” Soren asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“We need a place to plan,” Kana replied. The little group went to a pair of couches facing each other in the corner of the room, near the doors that led outside to the garden.

“This looks good,” Soleil said, hopping onto the plush blue upholstery. The others followed suit.

“I’ve got a meeting with Serpi soon,” Soren said. “I’ll see you later.” He and Ike shared a quick kiss, ignoring Priam’s long-suffering groan. The tactician left, and Ike lay back on the sofa again, crossing his arms behind his head.

“We can’t talk with your dad here,” Kana whispered. Ike could hear him clearly, despite the boy’s hushed tone.

“Why not?”

“This is a secret meeting! What if Raigh and Lugh find out what we’re up to? They’d try to mess it up somehow.”

“Aren’t they too old to trick-or-treat?” Soleil remarked, swinging her legs over the edge of the couch.

“You’re saying Dad’s not trustworthy?” Priam’s voice sounded fierce, and Ike had to suppress chuckle at that. The barely-concealed warning in his tone was so very like Soren. “He’s not gonna go tell them anything. Now, we need a plan for bringing back the candy.”

“We could borrow your grandpa’s axe,” Kana said.

“Huh?”

“For protection. I bet you could hold it, Priam.”

Soleil scoffed. “It’s bigger than he is, dummy!”

“Hey, don’t call me a dummy!”

“I know lots of worse things to call you,” Solei’s tone indicated that she was sticking her tongue out at Kana.

“Quiet!” Priam didn’t shout, but his voice was sharp, and he succeeded in quelling the argument. “We’re not talking about security; we’re talking about getting the candy home. How are we gonna do that?”

“Papa’s got a cape that can hold anything,” Kirby said.

“That sounds so cool! Like he’d let us borrow it, anyway…” Kana sighed.

“How about we borrow a wagon?” Soleil said.

Their intense scheming reminded Ike of simpler times in his own childhood. He and Boyd had once been thick as thieves, and they were always up to something. That had been before his father was killed, before he’d been thrust into the role of commander, before the wars and the responsibility… It left a small pang of bitterness in his heart, but more powerful was the feeling of determination. Priam was only eight years old, and was already beginning to show himself a fierce little warrior. Strength was well and good, but Ike was glad that his son could experience times like these. He was glad that Priam could just be a child.

More than anything, Ike was determined not to die. He had to give his son the life that he had been denied. He cracked an eye open and glanced over at the four children. Their heads were all close together, their voices now anything but quiet as they excitedly discussed their plans. Priam was standing tall and proud, nodding his head and speaking imperiously. And the others treated him with respect. He knew how to command that from his peers, and Ike found his chest swelling with pride. He reminded Ike so much of Greil. Others were quick to trust him, and he was always doing his best to not let them down.

The boy noticed his father looking at him, and he turned to him with a slight frown. Ike almost laughed again – it was like looking into a mirror. “Yeah, Dad?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Ike said. Then he smirked, and added, “Just thinking about how much you’ve grown.”

The frown was replaced with a scowl, the very expression that Soren took on whenever he was embarrassed. “Jeez, Dad!” Priam groaned, and turned back to his planning. With a chuckle, Ike closed his eyes and resumed his nap.

>>><<< 

“So, I hear that you’re leading your own company.”

Lucina looked up as her father came into the bedroom. She had left the door ajar, and Chrom had noticed her sitting at the little table with a map and several notes. “Hi, Daddy,” she said. “Yeah, we’re all going trick-or-treating together. Me and Ophelia and Shigure and Kanako.”

“It’s quite a responsibility!” Chrom said, pulling up the chair opposite Lucina’s. “Do you have a plan?”

“Yep! We’re taking the middle zone – all the houses around the castle. The others will cover the castle and the town.”

“Wow, that’s a big area,” Chrom nodded, impressed. “Do you need anything?”

“Um, we need a cart or something to carry candy,” Lucina looked over her notes. “And costumes, of course. We’re all making them together.”

“Well, if it’s costumes you need help with, I’d go to your mother,” Chrom said. “She’s good with budgeting; I bet she could help you find some good deals on materials.”

“Oh, yeah!” Lucina jotted something down. “Thanks, Daddy.”

“Do you think you’ll need an escort?”

“No, I think we’ll be alright.” Lucina drummed her fingers on the table for a moment. “Umm… I don’t know what else. The others are supposed to be here in a bit, so we can compare notes.”

“Oh, well, then I won’t disturb you.” Chrom stood, and watched his daughter poring over her notes and maps. She reminded him so much of her mother, and the sight was adorable. He leaned over to plant a kiss on her forehead, which she received with a happy but slightly embarrassed smile, and then took his leave.

Robin was passing by in the hallway, and Chrom caught her around the waist with a muttered, “Hello, beautiful!”

“EEK!” Robin jumped, then let out a sharp breath when she saw who it was. “Oh, Chrom! You’ve got to stop sneaking up on me like that.”

“Sorry, honey,” he laughed, and released his wife. “What are you up to?”

“Tactician’s meeting with Serpi,” she said, continuing on as Chrom fell into step with her. “We’re discussing security for the upcoming Harvest Festival.”

“Heh. Just like Lucina.”

“Oh?”

“She and her friends are planning trick-or-treat. She has her own little group, and they’re all dividing up the castle and surrounding town so they can get more candy.”

“Really, now?” Robin’s eyebrows rose. “So, they split off into teams?”

“Seems so,” Chrom said.

“I see…” Robin’s mind was already whirling with possibilities. Her daughter would need costumes, and a way to transport any loot from the night’s pillaging. “Oh, what about Morgan?”

“I don’t know,” Chrom shrugged. “I assume they’re going together.”

“Hm.” She would just have to make sure that was the case. She would feel awful helping her daughter to win if her son was on a competing team. “Alright, then. I’ll talk to Lucina and Morgan, and see if they need any supplies.”

“I can take them shopping for things,” Chrom offered. Robin laughed softly, and patted her husband’s shoulder.

“Oh, Chrom…” They arrived at the meeting hall. Chrom could see Soren and Serpi already deep in discussion inside. Robin leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Don’t bite off more than you can chew,” she said, turning to enter the room and leaving him scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

>>><<< 

“Son!”

Siegbert jumped when the door was flung wide, slamming into the wall with a loud bang. Xander and Camilla came in, the older sibling with a frown and the younger with a smirk. “Oh, hello, Father,” Siegbert said. “Hi, Aunt Camilla.”

“Hello, darling Siegbert,” Camilla said, rushing forward to hug him. Her embrace lifted him right off of his bed, and she squeezed him tightly between her massive breasts, finally depositing him breathless onto the notes and papers spread over the bed.

Xander frowned at his sister, and then fixed his gaze on his son. “Siegbert, is it true that you will soon lead your very own company into battle?”

“Not battle, Father,” Siegbert said, flushing a little. “We’re planning our trick-or-treat strategy.”

“In life, son, you must tackle any task as if it is a battle.”

“Oh, Xander, do relax,” Camilla said, twirling a strand of hair in her fingers. “It’s all in good fun!”

“Yes, but surely you wish to come out victorious.”

Siegbert opened his mouth, and then let it fall shut again. The pride in his father’s eyes was emboldening, something that Siegbert had always craved. “Yes, Father,” he said.

“Good,” Xander said, patting the boy on the shoulder. “You’re becoming a fine man, Siegbert.”

“Thank you, Father!” Siegbert’s eyes sparkled. It was truly marvelous to receive such praise.

“So, then. I will aid you in whatever way I can,” Xander said.

“And I hear my little Shiro is in your group,” Camilla said. “Is that true?”

“Yes, Aunt Camilla. Cousin Nina and cousin Forrest, too.”

“Excellent! The family is working together, then. That’s wonderful,” Xander said with a smile to Camilla.

“Well, then you can count on me, as well! And Ryoma, of course.”

“Thank you, Aunt Camilla.”

Siegbert watched his father and aunt walk back to the doorway. On the threshold, Xander paused and turned to look back. “Do not fret, son. Those other children won’t stand a chance against the power of Nohr!”

Before Siegbert could tell him that this was not a competition, Xander and Camilla had left. The prince bowed his head, knocking his shoes together. What on earth had he gotten himself into?

>>><<< 

“Oh, Robin!” Robin turned at the call, and saw Xander walking down the hallway towards her.

“Prince Xander,” she said cordially. “Can I help you?”

Xander strode up to her and smiled. “I merely wanted to offer my best wishes. I understand that your daughter is organizing a raiding party for Halloween night.”

“Yes, she’s already preparing,” Robin said, flushing with pride.

“Siegbert is also leading a company. I just want to wish you and your daughter good luck.”

Robin’s eyebrow twitched. “What is that supposed to mean, exactly?”

“I meant no offense. But naturally, I’ll be supporting my own child. I’m pulling for a victory for Nohr.”

Robin bristled, crossing her arms. “Oh, are you, now? So, this is to be a battle?”

“My apologies,” Xander said, taking a step back. “I didn’t mean to imply…”

“If this is to be a competition, then so be it. I only hope that your son is as good a tactician as my children, because this is a battle that cannot be won through force.”

Xander’s mouth tightened into a grim line. “You think my child an idiot? He is more than capable of planning a winning strategy.”

“What’s all the fuss here?” Soren came out of the conference room, stepping up behind Robin.

“Prince Xander is under the impression that the children are competing for trick-or-treat,” Robin said. “And if it’s going to be a battle, then I’m confident my children will win.”

“I was merely offering my sincerest wishes that the best team should win,” Xander said.

Soren glanced back and forth between them, scowling. Behind him, Serpi peered over his shoulder. “A competition, huh?” she asked.

“It’s nothing to do with sex,” Soren said dismissively. “You wouldn’t be interested.”

“Haha, good one!” Serpi slapped his back, and he ducked away from her, backing up along the hallway.

“I’m not interested in your rivalries,” the mage said. “I’ll be going now.”

“Yes, I ought to be off, myself,” Serpi said. “See you guys later!”

Robin and Xander watched them leave, and then turned back to each other. They each wore a stiff smile. “Well, then,” Robin said. “I suppose the best team will win.”

“Naturally.” Xander extended his hand, and they shook before turning and walking away from each other. Both were thinking the same thing: “It’s ON!”


	5. That Time Ike Tried to Give Priam "The Talk"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long and kinda rambling, but I feel a little pleased with it. I hope someone out there enjoys it, too! 
> 
> I remember being maybe six or seven years old when all the kids in my neighborhood gathered together for The Discussion. One of the other kids had walked in on his parents doin' the deed, and of course, that was the biggest news to hit our street since the introduction of bikes without training wheels. This whole chapter is basically the distillation of that same childlike wonder that I recall experiencing, huddled together with the neighbor kids, all asking the question, "But what WERE they doing under those covers?"

“Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s heat?”

Ike’s hand stalled over the sword in his lap. He looked over at his son, who was sitting across from him on the drawing room floor. The child had his own wooden training sword across his legs, just as Ike was holding Ragnell. In lieu of a buffing cloth, Priam held a sock that he’d gotten from Goddess knew where. Regarding the boy with a frown, Ike cleared his throat, thinking carefully about his next words.

“You mean, an omega’s heat?”

“Yeah.” Priam stared bluntly at his father, his curiosity plain on his face.

“Where’d you hear that?”

Open curiosity turned to a scowl of contempt. “Jeez, Dad, I’m almost eleven, already.”

“OK.” This was unfamiliar territory to Ike. Truth be told, he had never been too interested in “the birds and the bees”. At Priam’s age, he’d been so focused on training that he’d had little room in his brain for anything else. But Priam was curious. He had his mother’s probing mind, and he was always full of questions. Normally, Soren was the one to slake his thirst for knowledge. Ike wasn’t used to being put on the spot like this.

“I know it has something to do with sex,” Priam said, and Ike groaned. This was going to be awkward.

“Look, I’m not sure if you’re old enough to know this stuff,” the vanguard said, returning his attention to Ragnell.

“Why not?”

“I didn’t know anything when I was your age.”

“Mom says you don’t know anything about anything, if it’s not fighting,” Priam snickered.

“OK, so why are you asking me? Go ask your mother.”

“I can’t. That’s why I’m asking you!” Priam huffed. “I know Mom was just in heat, and you were in there with him, and now he’s sick or something. Is he gonna have a baby?”

Ike coughed, nearly losing his grip on Ragnell. “N- no! Uh, I mean, not that I- I don’t think so.” Relenting, he laid the sword aside on the couch and ran his hand through his hair. “OK, fine. What do you wanna know?”

“I know heat has something to do with sex and making babies. Mom told me all about that a long time ago.”

“Of course, he did…”

“But what _is _heat? Why’s it making Mom so tired? Does it hurt? Does everyone go through heat?”

“Slow down,” Ike said with a heavy sigh. “One question at a time.”

“OK.” Priam took a steadying breath, apparently sorting through his questions. “What does heat do?”

“It makes an omega, uh, fertile.” Ike had a hard time keeping his focus on Priam. He wanted to look away, but he had to do this. It was his duty as a father, after all. “When they’re in heat, they can get pregnant.”

“Is Mom gonna have a baby?”

“I don’t know.”

“How can you tell?”

“I- uh, I’m not really sure.” Ike could feel his face getting red. “They just seem to know, I guess.”

Priam nodded, digesting this information. Then he began on a new battery of questions. “When you and Mom are in the bedroom and he’s in heat, it’s because you’re having sex, right?”

“Y- yeah.” Was this really OK to talk about? As far as Ike had known, his parents hadn’t had a sex life. He’d never wondered where he came from, and had only picked it up gradually through conversations with Boyd.

“Is that why Mom’s so tired now?”

“Kinda.” Ike crossed his arms. “Uh, heat is different from regular sex. It makes you go crazy for a bit.”

“Oh, OK.” Priam nodded. “So, it doesn’t hurt, it’s just fun?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“Does it happen to alphas, too?”

“No.”

“Just omegas?”

“Right.”

“But then why do you get all mad?”

“I’m not mad,” Ike said, his blush growing. “When your mom’s in heat, it’s, uh… It affects me, too.”

“Huh.” Priam took another minute to think about this. Ike knew better than to think it was over, though. “So, an omega in heat makes alphas crazy?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that why you gotta keep Mom away from other alphas?”

“Heh, no, that’s just… That’s my own instinct. I get a little jealous, sometimes. But we’re mated, so his heat doesn’t really affect anyone else.”

“Huh?” Priam squinted at his father, tilting his head to the side.

Ike drew aside his cape. On his shoulder, near his collarbone, was a red, crescent-shaped mark. “He bites me here,” he explained. “And I bite him on the neck. When you mark someone like that, and they mark you, you become mates.”

“Oh, like a wedding ring?”

“Kinda.”

Priam leaned closer so he could examine the mark, and then his gaze fell to the gold gleaming on Ike’s left hand. “You’re mated and married at the same time?”

“Right.”

“Huh… And when you’re marked, you don’t get attracted to other people?”

“That’s right. I don’t react to anyone else’s heat anymore. Just your mom’s.”

“Oh, OK!” Priam settled back, knocking the toes of his boots together contentedly. His piercing curiosity was settling into a more conversational tone. “Dad, why are you and Mom together?”

“Because we love each other.”

“So, you mark someone you love?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm…” Priam seemed to weigh something in his mind. “What if you’re not marked? Does an omega’s heat affect you?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“What happens?”

“Uh, well, you just get the urge…” Ike was getting uncomfortable again. “You know, you want to be with them.”

“Hm. And it makes you act different?”

“I guess, yeah. You get more aggressive. People piss you off more.”

“Huh… But why is Mom sick?”

“He’s not sick. Just tired.” Ike rubbed the back of his neck, searching for a delicate way to put it. “Heat… takes a lot out of him.”

“What would happen if you weren’t mated?”

“Well, for one thing, you wouldn’t be here.” Ike frowned. “Why are you asking about something like that?”

“I mean, if an omega is in heat and they don’t have a mark, then it makes alphas crazy. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“And I bet it’s hard on the omegas, too.”

“I guess so. I never really thought about it.”

“So, if an omega goes into heat, and they’re not marked… And if they’re around alphas who aren’t marked…” The boy seemed to be mulling this over. Suddenly, he stood and brushed himself off. “OK, thanks, Dad.” Without another word, he took off. Ike wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved that the conversation was over, or worried about what Priam intended to do with this information.

>>><<< 

The meeting had been called hastily. The children of Castle Gloria were now gathered in the little round room at the base of the northwest tower. This was something of a sitting room, with plush chairs and carpets and a chess table set against one wall. Beveled-glass windows opened onto the gardens. The children sat around the room, on couches and chairs, on the carpets, Lucina and Morgan at the chessboard.

Priam stood in the center of the room, counting heads and nodding when he was satisfied with the number. “Everyone’s here. I’ll turn it over to you, Siegbert.”

“Thanks.” Siegbert stepped forward, clearing his throat and speaking so everyone could hear him. It wasn’t necessary, in the little room, but the effect was impressive as his voice echoed slightly off of the white plaster walls. “We’ve called this meeting to discuss something important. Is everyone listening?”

“No!” Nina called, giggling, and Forrest tugged on her braided pigtail.

“We’ve got a problem,” Siegbert said, ignoring his cousin. “We’ve been doing some research on heat, and it turns out that it’s dangerous.”

The room fell silent now. “Heat? Like, an omega’s heat?” Soleil said.

“The very same,” Siegbert said grimly. “It’s a danger to alphas. Apparently, it turns you insane.”

“My father says so,” Priam said, as if to quash any doubt. It was unnecessary, though. They had everyone’s attention, if the wide eyes and open mouths were anything to judge by.

“So, when an omega goes into heat, it’ll make all the alphas crazy?” Lucina asked.

“That’s right,” Siegbert said.

“But, then we could all go nuts at any time!” Shiro said, though he seemed more excited by the prospect than afraid.

This revelation caused the assembled children to break out into chatter.

“What do we do?!”

“Can we hide somewhere until it’s over?”

“How can we tell if we’re going crazy?”

“Wait, how do we know who’s an alpha and who’s an omega?”

This question was repeated several times, until Priam shouted, “QUIET!” As the chatter died down once more, he turned to Siegbert. “Good point. How do we tell who’s an alpha and who’s an omega?”

“It’s hard to tell at our age, but it can be done,” Siegbert said. “I read that you’re supposed to develop it later on. So, if we decide which we want to become, then we can choose.”

“And then what?” Lucina asked, hopping off her chair. “Once we know, what do we do?”

“Then we can mark each other,” Priam said. He held his hand up to stop the slew of questions that started up immediately. “My dad says that if we bite each other, then we won’t be affected.”

“Then, why don’t we all just bite each other and get it over with?” Kanako suggested.

“Because you have to bite in the right place,” Priam said. “Alphas have to be bitten right here,” he pointed to his shoulder. “Omegas get bitten on the neck.”

“Like vampires?!” Ophelia squealed in horror.

“But then we’d all be mated!” Kana said. “We can’t do that, we’re just kids!”

“It’s the only way, unless we keep the alphas and omegas separate.”

“We have no choice!” Siegbert barked. “If we don’t do this, we could all lose our minds and attack each other.”

“What if we all decide to be alphas?” Kirby said.

“I don’t wanna be an alpha!” Nina said. “They smell bad!”

“Well, I wouldn’t wanna be an omega,” Shiro said. “I don’t wanna have babies. That’s creepy!”

“OK, OK, we’ll split off into groups,” Siegbert said, quelling the brewing sex war. “Everyone who thinks you’re an alpha, over here. Omegas, over there.”

Priam and Siegbert were the first to line up as alphas. Kana, Kirby, Forrest, Soleil, Shigure, Kanako, and Shiro followed suit.

The omega line consisted of Morgan, Nina, and Ophelia. Lucina stood between the two groups, uncertainly looking back and forth, and then finally ran to join the alphas.

“Only three omegas? That’s not so bad!” Kana said.

“Yeah, only three of us have to get mated,” Shiro said. “One, two, three, NOT IT!”

“Ooh, I call Ophelia!” Soleil said, waving her hand.

“I wanna mate with Priam!” Kirby said.

“You can’t. You’re an alpha,” Kana pointed out.

Kirby looked crestfallen. “Oh… OK, then I’ll be an omega!” He hopped over to join the omega side. “Priam, wanna be mates?”

“No! Get back here!” Priam pulled the younger boy over to the alpha side again.

“I’m pretty sure Prince Ephraim and Prince Innes are mated, and they’re both alphas,” Shigure said thoughtfully, earning a hopeful smile from Kirby and a kick to the shins from Priam.

“I don’t wanna go with Soleil!” Ophelia whined. “I have to wait for my destined champion! What about destiny?”

“Um, Morgan?” Lucina said. “Are you sure you wanna be an omega? You know I’ll have to threaten anyone you get with.”

Morgan stuck his tongue out at his sister as Shiro said, “Hey, if I get with Morgan, will you go out with me to keep me away from him?”

“That’s it, I’m marking you myself,” Lucina said, and Morgan yelped and ducked behind Nina.

“No way! You’re my sister!”

“Princess Lucina, do you really want to mate with your own brother?” Siegbert asked, and Lucina balked.

“No, I guess not… Damn.”

“Ooh, Luci said a bad word!” Ophelia giggled.

“Alright, how about this?” Priam said, speaking over the din. “Let’s draw lots. That way, there’s no fuss.”

This idea was met with everyone arguing at once, and the backtalk was something to which Priam was not accustomed. He bit back a few retorts, but eventually he had to admit that this was a delicate subject. Simply drawing straws or choosing names out of a hat wouldn’t do. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed and a surly expression on his face, as the others resumed the discussion.

In the end, it was decided that Soleil would be paired with Ophelia; Siegbert would be with Morgan; and Kana would be with Nina. Kirby swapped sides again, and stared at Priam with big, tearful eyes until the older boy relented and agreed to be his partner. “Just to shut you up,” he said.

“Ahaha, look at all the happy couples!” Shiro cawed sarcastically. “I’m glad I’m not gonna get any cooties!”

“Cooties? How old are you, two?” Kanako said, and Shiro replied with a very rude gesture that had Soleil and Nina doubling over in laughter.

And thus ended the meeting.

>>><<< 

Priam and Kirby split off from the meeting room first – Priam because he wanted to get away from the excited chatter, and Kirby because he was following Priam. “Are we gonna get married?” the younger boy asked.

“No, we’re just mated,” Priam grumbled. “And only so nobody goes crazy if you go into heat. But I don’t wanna marry you, you got that?” Kirby stopped walking, and Priam sighed as he turned to find his companion pouting. “Look, I like you, OK? But I’m too young to think about marriage and stuff. I wanna become a great swordsman like my dad. I can’t do that if I got a wife and kids! Not yet.”

“OK, we’ll both be great swordsmans!” Kirby said, following Priam again. “Then we’ll get married!”

“Kirby, do you even know what it means to get married?”

“Yeah! It means you’re really, really, really, really, REALLY good super best friends!”

“No, dummy.” Priam rolled his eyes. They soon came to the garden door, and Priam led Kirby through it, tilting his face upward towards the warm early spring sunlight. “People get married because they love each other.”

“Well, I love you!” Kirby said.

“It’s more than that,” Priam said seriously. “You know your parents, how they act with each other? It’s that kind of love.”

Kirby fell silent as he contemplated this revelation. Priam stepped up onto the side of the large fountain, searching the rippling clear water. Kirby leaned against the stone rim, biting his lower lip in consternation. “Priam?”

“Yeah?” Finding a suitable pebble, Priam bent down and fished it out of the shallow pool. He tried and failed to skip it across the water, and then began a search for a new pebble.

“How do you know when you’re in love?”

“How should I know?” Priam shrugged. “I guess when you wanna kiss and stuff like that.”

“Priam?” When the older boy turned to look, Kirby’s expression was more serious than he’d ever seen it. “Do you like me?”

Priam’s face heated up just a bit. “Sure, I like you.” He plunged his hand back into the water, scooping up a handful of small rocks.

“I think I like you a lot,” Kirby said quietly. “But how do I know if I love you?”

“I dunno, OK? Why don’t you ask your mom?”

When Priam turned again, Kirby was gone. Relieved as he felt, Priam couldn’t help the small, tiny, barely perceptible pang of disappointment that lingered as he stared at the spot where Kirby had just been.

>>><<< 

“Mom?”

“Hm? What is it, sweetie?” Robin looked up from her tome, and the green and blue swirls faded from around her. Morgan walked into the bedroom, holding a hand to his neck.

“Can you heal me a little?”

Robin frowned. “What happened?”

Morgan moved his hand, and Robin gasped as blood flowed freely down his collar. “Oh, Morgan!” She dropped her book and rushed to her son’s side. “What happened to you?! It looks like…!”

“Siegbert bit me,” he said nonchalantly, attempting and failing to blink away the tears in his eyes. “But it hurts, and it won’t stop bleeding.”

That was the first indication to the adults that they had A Problem.

The second indication was when Nina asked to see Niles’ mark so she could accurately draw one on herself – Kana’s bite wasn’t quite strong enough to do the job.

The third sign came when Xander was admitted to the infirmary for treatment of electrical burns.

>>><<< 

The meeting had been called hastily. Once Robin had come ranting and shooting lightning bolts at Xander (drawing the attention of Leo, who was on the hunt for Kana), it had been determined that this issue was something that concerned all of the parents. It was, indeed, A Problem.

“It’s good to see you,” Camilla said to Corrina and Tiki as she took a seat next to them. “We all live in the same castle, but it seems like time just flies between our meetings.”

“I wish it were under happier circumstances,” Corrina sighed.

“Yes, it’s not exactly a social call,” Leo said curtly. He was standing against the wall, his arms folded and Niles at his side.

“Oh, are you feeling a bit of jealousy?” Camilla giggled. “I’m going to come say hello to you, too, dear Leo. Don’t you worry.”

“That’s not…!”

“Is everyone here?” Xander’s voice boomed above all the others. He and Ryoma were standing at the front of the little round room. Both alphas’ spines were straight, their hands clasped behind their backs and their heads swiveling to scan the crowd imperiously. “Good. We shall begin.”

“Our children are savaging each other,” Ryoma said, taking over before Xander could continue. “Apparently, they’ve decided to imitate our mating rituals.”

“Morgan came to me with a huge bite mark on his neck,” Robin said fiercely. “We’re lucky it didn’t get infected.”

“Kana’s shoulder is all bruised up,” Corrina said.

“I’ve been informed that they believe this to be necessary,” Xander said, talking over Ryoma. “In order to protect themselves, they said. They believe that an omega’s heat is something dangerous, and that somehow a bite can prevent it.”

Near the back of the room, Ike’s shoulders sank just a bit. He was suddenly wondering if he could make a quick escape, should the need arise.

“Where did they get that idea?” Chrom asked.

“Siegbert said he had been doing research,” Laslow spoke up.

“Not only that.” Xander’s eyes darted right towards Ike. The vanguard swallowed nervously. “Our son informed us that he obtained most of his information from Priam.”

Now all eyes were on Ike and Soren. “What did you do?” Soren hissed under his breath.

“Look, Priam was asking about things,” Ike said, crossing his arms defensively and subconsciously shifting his weight towards the doorway. “I told him what I know. I didn’t think it would do any harm.”

“Who allowed Ike to give his kid The Talk?” Robin groaned.

“Ike wouldn’t tell Priam anything like that,” Soren said, glaring around the room against the accusing stares. “This business about bites being a safety measure must be a whim of the children’s imaginations. They took the information given to them, and they interpreted it incorrectly. Pointing fingers and laying blame won’t solve a damn thing. The question is: What should we do about it?”

“We can’t allow them to keep hurting each other,” Tiki said. “Perhaps we should simply draw them aside and tell them that it’s…”

“Just tell them about all that?!” Chrom balked. “You can’t be serious!”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve never given your kids The Talk?” Niles said with a smirk.

“I did,” Robin said with a blush. “I mean, I didn’t go into detail, of course, but…”

“Many of us are still unsure about the finer details of this new dynamic,” Marth said, standing from his chair. “The birds and the bees are one thing, but with alphas and omegas involved, it’s far more difficult to answer their questions. Or, even to answer the questions they may not know to ask.”

“Well said,” Corrin nodded. “I’m not real clear on how heat works, in the first place. How am I going to explain it to a child?”

“That duty should fall to the mothers,” Meta Knight said, his deep voice drawing attention only because he so rarely spoke up. “Who could understand the inner workings of the reproductive season better than an omega?”

“So, because we’ve got the bits, we’re supposed to know how they work?” Niles scoffed. “Right, sure.”

“Niles,” Leo admonished, but Meta Knight nodded his head.

“A fair point. I’m merely suggesting that you would understand better how it feels.”

“But you alphas should explain that it’s not such a big deal,” Inigo said. “They must believe that an alpha’s response to heat is something frightful. You can truly put their fears at ease.”

“Isn’t this a bit unnecessary?” Azura said. Just like Meta Knight, her active participation was rare, and people quieted somewhat so she could be heard. “They’re only children now. All we need to explain is that heat is nothing to be afraid of, and that they don’t need to worry about being affected yet.”

“I wish it were that simple,” Ryoma said with a kind smile. “They are nearing that age, and they will begin to notice things soon. Better that we prepare them now, so we don’t repeat a fiasco like this in the near future.”

“Better not allow their imaginations to run wild any more than they already are,” Robin said.

“Then, who’s going to do it?”

Nobody answered this question. The room fell silent. Some looked around expectantly, while others looked down at the floor or out the window. Ike found that the green drapes hanging on either side of the windows were suddenly fascinating.

Not surprisingly, Odin was the first to break the silence. “If this be a question of eloquence with words, why, I should volunteer myself! I can hardly sit back and allow fair Ophelia to become injured by the vicious enemy – misinformation!”

“Perhaps a tutor with a bit more sense would be better suited to the job,” Soren said derisively.

“Are you volunteering, then, Soren?” Robin asked with an arch to her eyebrow.

“Hardly. I’ll talk to Priam myself.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“But he has a point,” Leo said. “I’d rather speak to my children on my own, rather than have someone else do it. As… distasteful as that sounds.”

“Parenting is tough sometimes,” Xander said. “You’re right, Leo. These are times when we cannot shirk our responsibilities.”

“But wouldn’t you rather leave this in the hands of an expert?” Camilla said. “That way, we can ensure that our children are all getting the same information.”

“Why not both?” Laslow suggested. “They can receive a more formal education in the matter, and we will be on hand to fill in the gaps.” Niles snickered at this choice of words, earning an elbow to the ribs from Leo.

“In Hoshido, our children learn in their own time,” Ryoma said.

“Really? I heard that you were quite the curious one, Ryoma,” said Xander with a barely-visible smirk. “Something about peeking into the women’s bath?”

“And yet, we are an intelligent people who always seek out our own answers.” Ryoma’s attempt to smooth over his lapse would have been more successful without the bright red blush on his face. “I will do all I can to ensure our children are informed properly.”

“Oh, but then who should provide the formal arrangements?” Camilla asked.

“I’d be glad t – Mph!” Niles suddenly found himself rendered mute by a quick spell from Leo.

“Perhaps I could be of some use,” Tiki said. “Dragons have their ways. Our reproduction is not as straightforward as that of humans. I’ve had no trouble understanding how secondary sex dynamics work.”

“We’d better assign someone else, too, just to ensure accountability,” Xander said. “Forgive me, it’s not a personal slight.”

“No offense taken,” Tiki said with a smile. “I agree. Who else would like to teach with me?”

“Someone knowledgeable,” Robin mused. “A tactician or a scholar would be preferable… Er…” Her face reddened as she realized what she was saying, and that everyone had turned to look at her. “I mean, someone who doesn’t mind talking about it. Like Soren.”

“Don’t look to me,” Soren said firmly.

“If only you would agree to it,” Laslow sighed. “You seem to have no qualms about discussing this topic. I admit, I’m quite embarrassed to even think of it.”

“You? The castle flirt?” Corrin laughed.

“We could ask someone who isn’t a parent,” Marth said. “Perhaps it would be less… awkward that way.”

“Or moreso,” Azura said.

After hours of debate, not a single thing had been decided. For the first time since coming to Askr, Xander felt like he was back home. He was about to suggest drawing lots when Morgan burst into the room, effectively ending the discussion when he blurted out, “Soleil and Priam are killing each other!”

>>><<< 

“Man, mating sucks,” Kana sighed, kicking a rock across the little path leading through the garden. Beside him, Nina nodded in agreement. It had only been 24 hours since they had taken up with each other.

“Are you kidding? It’s great! I love having a wife!” Soleil said.

“Only because you didn’t really bite each other,” Nina scoffed.

“Did, too!” Ophelia tilted her neck to show off the little patch of nothing. “You can’t really see it, but it’s there. My heart knows it is, and I left my mark on her in kind.”

“Whatever,” Kana sneered. “You chickened out, didn’t you?”

“Did not!” Soleil said, stamping her foot.

“You guys are already sounding like a couple of old married people,” Shiro said airily. “Glad I’m not stuck like that.” Kana and Nina glared at him.

“Hey, guys,” Morgan said as he and Siegbert joined the little group. He looked as glum as Kana and Nina felt, and Siegbert seemed to be just as down in the dumps.

“Did you do it?” Soleil asked, peering at Morgan’s high-collared shirt.

“Yeah, but it hurt a lot.” Morgan drew aside the collar to reveal a thick gauze bandage. “Mom healed me, but she left this on it to keep Siegbert from biting me again.”

“Yeah, you know, my parents freaked out, too,” Nina huffed. “What’s their problem? Don’t they know we’re in danger?”

“Well, not you,” Kana mumbled. “You’re an omega. You get it easy, because you don’t have to worry about losing your mind.”

“Omegas are the ones who have to have babies,” Morgan said with a frown. “This is trouble for all of us.”

“Not Kirby,” Shiro snickered, nodding his head towards the far side of the plaza. Priam and Kirby were approaching, Kirby with a skip in his step and Priam with his hands in his pockets and head bowed. “Hi, guys,” Shiro said.

“Hey,” Priam said gloomily.

“Priam bit me!” Kirby said, as happy as Priam was dour. He pointed proudly to his neck, where a red mark was clearly visible. “It hurt, but he got me some cake from the kitchen, and I feel better now. I bit him, too, but he didn’t even cry!”

“Ooh, you’re so stoic!” Ophelia sighed, clasping her hands. “Priam, the man who doesn’t flinch at anything…”

“I didn’t flinch, either,” Soleil pouted.

“Yeah, ‘cause Ophelia didn’t really bite you.” Shiro had to dodge as soon as he’d said this, as Soleil swung at him with her fist.

“Did your parents get mad, too?” Morgan asked.

“Huh? Oh, I didn’t tell them yet,” Priam said with a shrug.

“They’re in a meeting,” Kirby said.

“Well, now what?” Nina wondered.

“I’ll tell you what,” Shiro said. “Now you’re all mated, so you have to do stuff that our parents do. Like go on dates and pay taxes.”

“Aww, but I only have a little money left from New Year!” Soleil groaned.

“I’m gonna go enjoy my freedom,” Shiro said, spinning on his heel and walking back towards the palace. “See you guys!”

“I think he’s jealous,” Kana said.

“Maybe. But he’s right.” Priam crossed his arms. “We’re all mated now. We’re stuck.”

“I wish we didn’t have to do this yet,” Kana said. “I wanna get married someday, but not like this…”

Siegbert had been silent for a while. Then, he said, “I wonder if we should just forget the whole thing?”

“Huh?!” The others all looked at him, mouths agape. Siegbert turned away from them, fidgeting nervously.

“You said yourself that we’re in danger,” Morgan said.

“Well, uh…” Siegbert cleared his throat. “Um, last night, I… I was doing a little more reading…”

“Uh-huh?” Priam’s eyes narrowed.

“It seems that you don’t feel the effects of heat until, well… Until you’re older.”

Despite the breeze blowing through the bushes and the chirping of birds, silence settled over the little group like a wet blanket. The warm air was beginning to feel less comforting and more stifling. “How much older?”

“P- puberty.”

“What’s that?” Kirby asked.

“It’s when we’ll be old enough to… have heat, and react to it.”

“And when does that happen?”

Siegbert focused on his shoes, and Priam reached out to shake him by the shoulder. “Dammit, Siegbert, how long do we have until it happens?!”

“Uh, about another… three, four years, maybe…”

“Oh, you son of a bitch!”

“Hey, language!” Ophelia cried.

“Don’t blame him!” Kana shoved Priam’s arm away from Siegbert. “You’re the one who came to us all frantic about it. You’re the one who told him that we were all in trouble!”

“Hey, that’s right!” Soleil said. “And it was your dad who told you all that. Didn’t he tell you that we’re immune?”

“Please, let’s not…” Siegbert mumbled.

“I- I didn’t ask!” Priam’s face flared red. “Don’t you go blaming my father for this…!”

“Why not? He’s an idiot,” Soleil huffed.

“Soleil, please…”

“Don’t you DARE!” Priam bellowed, drawing his training sword. Soleil mirrored his movements, shrugging off her older brother’s hand when he tried to push her arm down.

“You’re just as thick as he is if you didn’t think to ask whether we were even old enough!”

Priam forewent any further rebuke, instead lunging for the girl and knocking Siegbert away. Ophelia squealed and dove out of the way as the two collided. Their wooden swords clacked together, over and over, sometimes finding the mark but just as often meeting each other. “Your dad’s as dumb as a sack of hammers!” Soleil taunted, dodging Priam’s attack and getting in a blow to his shoulder.

Enraged, Priam threw aside his sword and tackled her. They ended up rolling in the flower bed, trading punches and pulling hair and biting and snarling like a couple of rabid badgers. They didn’t notice when Morgan fled the scene, and they were still going at it when he returned with Ike and Xander in tow. Without a word, the two nodded to each other; Ike raised his sword, and brought it down with a mighty CRACK that split the stone walkway and sent the kids flying in opposite directions of each other. Soleil tumbled head over heels in the mulch, while Priam went sprawling into some shrubs.

“Don’t do that!” Laslow cried, rushing forward to pull his dazed daughter into his lap. “Goodness, you’re going to kill them!”

“It wasn’t a full-on attack,” Ike shrugged, sheathing Ragnell over his back once more and trudging over to where Priam was sitting up groggily. “What happened here?”

Priam gulped, peering apprehensively up at his father, whose face was none too happy-looking. He nearly fainted when he caught sight of his mother coming out of the palace with the other parents. “Sh- she – she said…”

“He said we were all gonna be in trouble,” Soleil cried, holding onto her mother. “He’s the one who told us we had to bite each other!”

“No, that’s my fault,” Siegbert said, stepping forward, between his mother and sister and his father. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have reacted so quickly. I should have done more research…”

“You should have asked me,” Xander said sternly.

“We were meeting just now to discuss this very issue,” Laslow said, patting Soleil’s head. “Now, now. It’s alright, dearest. We’re going to handle everything from here.”

“I’m sorry…” Siegbert swallowed thickly, unable to look at his father. “We should not have tried to take on this responsibility without you.”

“You were frightened,” Camilla said, queuing up with the other parents to observe this spectacle. “It’s not your fault, darling. None of you is to blame.”

“Oh, Kirby…” Marth came forward to take the child’s hand and lead him away from where he was trying to pick leaves out of Priam’s hair. “Listen, we’re going to have a talk about this once we get back to our quarters. Alright?”

“Yes, we should all talk to them,” Soren said, glancing at the other adults accusingly. “Obviously, this is what happens when we don’t inform them properly.”

“But she said it was Dad’s fault!” Priam said, wiping off his scraped knees. “That’s why we were fighting, because she called Dad a dummy!”

“Oh?” Soren’s eyebrow arched.

“I- I didn’t mean it!” Soleil said hastily, glancing at Ike out of the corner of her eye. “I only said that to make him mad, honest!”

“I see.” Soren took a step back. “Have at her.”

“Soren!” Ike groaned.

“Really?” Priam looked up, hopeful.

“No,” Ike said firmly.

“Soleil, you apologize this instant!” Xander said.

“I’m sorry for calling you names…” The pink-haired girl gave a little bow to Ike, then to Priam.

“It’s fine,” Ike said.

“Screw you,” Priam said.

“Good boy,” Soren murmured.

“Goddammit, Priam…” Ike groaned.

Soleil looked back at her father. “Can I beat him up now?”

“… Have at him.”

“Xander!”

It would be a very long time before Priam or Soleil would know a day spent outside of their rooms, but neither would escape The Talk, as presented by their parents and Tiki. And when it was over, there wasn’t a child in Castle Gloria who didn’t wish they had just never asked in the first place.


	6. That Time Python Got Friend Zoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Python finds himself in the summoner's clutches, and she has plans for him...

Of all the strange places Python had been, this had to be the strangest.

Relaxation Nation was the summoner’s term for the resort she had built for the benefit of all the heroes, and it had sounded like a dream come true for a man as lazy as Python. A hot spring, a dining hall, shops and even a little inn where he could rest his head… It was just too good for him to pass up. As soon as he’d been dismissed from training, he had hightailed it to the Aether Resort (sorry, “Relaxation Nation”, he thought with a grimace, because what had the summoner been thinking with that name?).

He’d heard that the resort changed with the seasons. At this time of year, autumn was just settling in; but that hadn’t stopped Serpi from pushing the resort on into winter. Python shivered as his horse carried him over icy cobblestone. He had thought of heading for the inn first, but the steam rising from the distant hot spring was irresistible. He set his sights on that, his body craving warmth.

As he rode, his horse’s hooves crunching in a thin dusting of snow and frost, it struck him just how empty this place was. He couldn’t see anyone else around. The shop windows were dark, nary the faintest shadow moving beyond the glass. The concert hall was silent. Peeking into the open doors of the dining hall, Python couldn’t see anybody and he couldn’t smell anything cooking. The inn was quiet. It was eerie, and the archer clutched at himself tighter as he spurred his horse on a little faster, coming at last to the hot springs.

To his immense surprise, he could hear voices from within. As he came around to the entrance, he saw a large, black wyvern tethered outside. He smirked; Haar was here. He hopped off of his mount and tied the reins securely, well away from the lizard; he wasn’t quite trusting of the beast. Then he went inside the little wooden building, relieved to find that it was much warmer in here than outside.

The voices stopped as Python began to disrobe. “Who’s there?” a husky voice called, and Python groaned. Lukas.

“Just me,” he called, grabbing a towel and going to join whomever else was behind the blue curtain.

“Oh, Python,” Lukas said pleasantly. He and Haar were reclining in the water, steam and murk shrouding their bodies from view. Haar’s eye was closed, as if he were already dozing off.

“Hey, I’m surprised to see you here, Lukas,” Python said, wading into the water and setting aside his towel once he was safely hidden. “I thought you’d be training or something.”

“Our summoner gave me some time off,” the redhead said. “She thinks I’m overdoing it, so she all but ordered me to come here.”

“Same,” Haar said without opening his eye.

“You, overdoing it?” Python snickered. “But you know, she said the same to me. Is this like a normal thing with her, or…?”

“Oh, yeah.” Haar shifted a little, leaning back against a rock. “She’s always bossing us around. Not necessarily a bad thing, if she’s ordering us to relax.”

“I hear you did put in a lot of work lately,” Lukas said.

“Pah. Only to stop everyone from getting on my case,” Python said. He sank into the water, allowing it to embrace him. It was heavenly, and he couldn’t help a sigh of contentment.

“Well, I’m proud of you,” Lukas said, and Python flicked some water at him.

“Don’t say that. You’ll get everyone’s expectations of me up.”

“Not mine,” Haar said serenely. “I appreciate a man who knows how to relax.”

Lukas looked as if he wanted to comment on that, but he held his tongue. Instead, he started on a new topic of discussion. “Python, this is your first time here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is. Not crazy about the name, but I can definitely get behind the idea.”

“Heh, wait until you come on a day when Peri’s in the kitchen,” Haar said. “Or Oscar. I swear, their cooking is about the only thing that makes me willingly get outta bed.”

“I’ll have to keep an eye out,” Python said with a yawn. “Who’s cooking today, though? I went by the place, but it was empty.”

“Typically, it’s not this quiet,” Lukas said. “The resort is usually bustling with activity.”

“Yeah, I thought that was weird, too,” Haar said, finally sitting up and looking at them. “This’ll be my first winter here, but is it normally this empty?”

“Not at all,” Lukas said. “There are always a lot of people here.”

“I bet Serpi’s cooked something up,” Haar said, leaning back once more.

“What do you mean?” Python frowned.

“Our summoner’s a pretty good leader, but she’s strange as they come.” Haar lifted his hand from the water to catch a rubber duck as it floated past. “When something’s out of the ordinary, it’s usually her doing. There’s probably a reason she suggested we all come here together.”

“Hm…” Lukas stared into the misty green water, contemplating the situation. Serpi had never led them astray, but it was hard to tell what she could be thinking.

“Well, whatever,” Python said, rubbing his face with warmed hands and slicking back his dark hair. “I’m not complaining. As long as this doesn’t lead to some kind of survival situation or something.”

The three men spent a little more time in the bath, but soon it began to grow dark. Moths swarmed the lanterns as Python reluctantly dragged himself from the water. They dried thoroughly before dressing, mindful of the cold weather outside. “I think I’m going to see if the dining hall is open,” Lukas said.

“Hopefully. I’m starved,” Haar said.

Lukas stepped through the front door, holding it open as he scanned the area.

“Dammit, Lukas, shut that door!” Python said. “You’re gonna let the cold air in.”

“Uh…”

“What is it?” Haar groaned, picking up his axe. “There a line already?”

Lukas stepped back inside, letting the wind slam the door for him. Python and Haar tensed when they saw his expression. “You’d better come see this,” he said severely.

On the one hand, it was now pleasantly warm outside. The snow had melted, revealing bright green grass speckled here and there with tiny white flowers. The sky was clear, and there was a gentle breeze carrying the scent of springtime.

On the other hand, they were now completely trapped.

“What the…?” Python stepped onto the grass, gazing around at the wall of buildings that had sprung up around them. He recognized the white pillars of the concert hall at the opposite end of the hot spring. Both sides were boxed in with the shops, the dining hall, and the inn. All were turned away, so that their entrances were inaccessible. The buildings formed a little patch of grass around the bathhouse, leaving little room for Haar’s wyvern and Python’s horse.

“Did we just step into another dimension or something?” Python asked.

“I told you,” Haar said, shaking his head. “I told you she’s up to something. We’ve been put in the Friend Zone.”

“The… what?” Lukas’s eyes went wide. He had heard tales, had heard of the term before, but he hadn’t believed them for a minute.

“What the hell is the Friend Zone?” Python asked.

“It’s what she calls it when she keeps people captive here,” Haar said. For such a shocking revelation, he appeared to be rather calm. He walked towards his wyvern and untied it, but instead of mounting it and attempting to fly over the buildings, he sat down against its side. The beast, which was curled up already half asleep, nuzzled him before closing its eyes once more.

“Can’t you fly us out of here?” Lukas asked.

“Look, if Serpi’s got us trapped here, then that’s where she wants us.” Haar folded his hands behind his head, settling in for a nap. “She’ll let us out when she’s good and ready.”

“Unbelievable…” Lukas groaned.

Python wasn’t too pleased with being trapped here, but Haar had a point. He untethered his horse, allowing him to graze freely, and went to sit on the stoop of the bath house.

Lukas wasn’t so resigned, and he began walking around their little enclosure, assessing the narrow gaps between the buildings and trying to find any way to climb over or into one of them. So close were the shops that they very well could have been a single solid wall. No ladders, no boxes to stack and climb – not even so much as a trellis. Cursing under his breath, the spearman walked around and around in ever growing fury. Just what kind of game was their summoner playing now?

And, as if their luck couldn’t get any worse, the seasons changed and cold air once again bore down on them.

“What the…?” Python stood, his mouth agape and his eyes studying the sky, as white flakes began falling. “Is this place cursed or something?”

“Nope,” Haar said, still completely at ease. “That’s Serpi for ya. I told you, she changes this place at her whims.”

“Well, I gotta have a little chat with her about her ‘wims’,” Python grumbled. “Let’s go back inside. We’ll freeze out… here…” His voice trailed off as he turned and realized that the bathhouse was now gone. In its place was a high wall of iron bars set against stone pillars. “Crivens, what is she doing to us? Does she want us to freeze?!”

“Told ya,” Haar said, and he pulled his wyvern’s wing down to cover himself. The sleepy creature grunted, but remained dozing.

Lukas began pacing around the perimeter again, his muttered curses growing louder. Python shivered, drawing into himself as much as he could. “Python, help me find a way out,” Lukas called.

“This guy says it’s useless,” the archer replied. He didn’t have to raise his voice very much in the small space, and for that he was actually somewhat relieved. He needed all his energy to stay warm.

The spearman shook his head, knowing that getting Python to help was a lost cause. Python stepped closer to the wyvern. He wasn’t overly fond of the creatures, but Haar’s seemed friendly enough…

“Hey, got room in there for one more?” he asked.

Haar peeked at him out of the corner of his eye. Without a word, he scooted over, making a space between himself and the curve of the wyvern’s tail. Hesitantly, Python stepped over it, slipping behind the leathery wing and feeling instantly warmed. The ground beneath the wyvern hadn’t been exposed to the snowfall, so the grass was still springy and mostly dry as Python settled on his rear, leaning forward as much as he could to avoid actually resting on the beast’s flank. “Thanks,” he said, tensing and then relaxing when the wyvern spread its wing upward to cover him almost completely.

“She’s used to this,” Haar said, closing his eye once more, leaning comfortably against the black scaly hide. “We’ve taken a looooot of naps together, me and her.”

“Sounds like the ideal partnership,” Python said.

“Ay-uh.”

“Are you two going to just sleep through this?” Lukas asked from across the little space.

“Looks like it,” Python said.

The exasperated sigh was nothing new to Python. What was new was Haar’s derisive snort. “Fool. Thinks he’s gonna force his way outta here, when there’s no point.”

It gave the archer something to think about. Normally, it was the other way around – people were always rallying together against his approach to life. Having someone on his side was something new, and it was… nice. But he didn’t want to make a big thing of it. Though a part of him wanted to thank Haar for the support, instead he said, “Why do you think the summoner’s doin’ this?”

“Well, it’s like this.” Haar turned slightly to face Python as he spoke, his face close enough for Python to feel his breath. “Every time someone new arrives, Serpi takes time getting to know ‘em. Talks with ‘em, butters ‘em up… And not long after… Not all the time, mind, but most times… Not long after, she sends ‘em here and they come back all friendly with each other.”

“So, this is some kinda… test? A bonding experience? What?”

“I guess you could say that.” Haar’s head drooped against the wyvern’s side.

“Crivens… What kinda place did I get dragged to?”

“I told you before, didn’t I? A crazy one. Everything’s all upside-down here, and the lady in charge is as strange as you could ask for, and there’s murderers and madmen parading around without a care in the world…” Haar let out a breath that sounded like a laugh. “But it’s not bad. Serpi’s pretty relaxed about letting us do whatever we want. I’ve gotten in so many naps, I’m almost eager to get back in action.” At Python’s raised eyebrow, Haar smirked. “Almost.”

“But aren’t we basically being manipulated into spending time with each other?”

“Yup, that’s about the gist of it.” Haar closed his eye again. “Relax. Serpi’s matchups have worked out so far. I figure, why worry about it? She’s got a sixth sense, that one.”

Python still didn’t like it. But he found no reason to object, really. Lukas was an old friend, and he’d been on good terms with Haar since he’d arrived. He supposed there wasn’t anything wrong with growing closer with either of them.

He nestled just a bit closer to the wyvern, and let his eyelids slide shut. Might as well accept this little predicament.

>>><<< 

Serpi hummed happily to herself from her perch overlooking Relaxation Nation (yes, she insisted on using the term, thank you _very _much). Beside her, Alfonse stood with arms crossed and stern expression. “You can’t keep doing this,” he said.

“Why not? I wanted to see who he prefers, and it looks like he’s made his choice. They’ve been talking for a while.” Her half-shrouded face was plastered with a wide grin.

“But you’ve imprisoned them,” the prince said. “You can’t imprison people without just cause.”

“Temporarily misplaced,” Serpi waved her hand at the man. “You know, I didn't realize they were here when I began remodeling.” Alfonse rolled his eyes. Only a handful of heroes had ever believed that story, and Alfonse certainly wasn't one of them. “Look, they fight better when they’re supporting one another. And I like to see my heroes happy! Haven’t you enjoyed Bruno’s company?”

Alfonse’s face reddened slightly. “That’s… true.”

“I’m just making sure that my babies are taken care of.”

The prince objected to being called Serpi’s “baby”, but as usual, he knew that his protests would fall on deaf ears. “Summoner, far be it for me to question your methods,” he said evenly. “Especially considering that you have so far led us rightly. But I think…” He cleared his throat, reaching for the right words. “I think you have a problem.”

“Aww, look!” Serpi squealed, and Alfonse sighed. She wasn’t even listening. “He fell asleep next to Haar and his wyvern! OK, that’s it, Haar’s the one for him!”

As she rushed to free the trio, and no doubt to set Haar and Python to the task of supporting each other, Alfonse wondered if this was really OK. He knew that her battle tactics were vital to their army, but it seemed that she had the same knack for directing people in their personal lives. Time and time again, those who arrived single were banished to the Friend Zone. And every time, without fail, they ended up with that same lovestruck look.

He shook his head as Haar and Python were awakened from their nap. There were wedding bells in their future, no doubt about that.

The poor dopes would never see it coming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's kind of a funny story behind this one. Or, funny if you're me, and you find such things funny.
> 
> When I get a new hero, I do a LOT of research on them. I read their backstories, read or watch their support conversations, watch some cutscenes from their games (if I haven't played them)... And if they have someone they love in canon, then I pair them up (except for Marth, because CAEDA BELONGS WITH OGMA AND MARTH BELONGS TO THE VARIOUS MEN I PAIR HIM WITH). If their beloved isn't in FEH, I just don't pair them with anyone. But when I get someone whose pairing is ambiguous (as many of the heroes are), I have to get a little... creative.
> 
> Basically, I use my Aether Resort like a dating sim.
> 
> I create a little 1x2 space surrounded by fences and buildings, and I put the heroes into it to see how they interact. If I think their interactions are cute, I pair them up. This works pretty well. 
> 
> Now, Python...
> 
> I admit, he would probably be better paired with Forsythe. They have chemistry. But I spent hours and hours and way more money than I should have on trying for Python. I am broke on orbs, and I'm not about to spend any more trying for Forsythe. I have been terribly unlucky lately, so... Just no. 
> 
> That left me with two options, and obviously, Haar won. This actually happened in the Friend Zone, where Haar and Python were very friendly with one another, and then they took a nap together and that sealed it. This fic is the result of that. I just... My babies. T_T They are so freaking cute together...
> 
> ... Don't look at me! (hides)


	7. Switching Things Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serpi has a new obsession, and Odin is about to find out what it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've reordered my head-canon, and thus, their lives are about to change. This is how I imagine it went down in FEH-world.

There was another meeting in Castle Gloria, but for the life of him, Odin Dark didn’t know what it was about. He sat with great anticipation, though, gazing excitedly around the conference room and noting how very fitting it was for such an occasion. The castle was currently decked in tones of deepest red and gold to match the autumn foliage outside. Heavy banners hung on the walls, contrasting perfectly with the polished mahogany table and the grand size of the room itself.

Odin sat on one side of the table with Inigo and Owain. On the other side were Leo and Niles, the latter giving him a conspiratorial wave of his fingers when their eyes met. Odin smiled, and continued his survey of the room until the door opened and Serpi finally appeared.

“Thanks for meeting with me, guys!” she said, bustling into the room with an unusual amount of energy. Leo and Niles were instantly on guard, though Odin didn’t see why they should be. Obviously, they were in for some grand adventure.

“What’s this about?” Leo asked, his arms crossed and his gaze wary.

“You’ll see,” Serpi said, taking the chair at the head of the table. “OK, everyone’s here. Great! Let’s get started.”

“Summoner, I must speak,” Owain said, taking the words right out of his older self’s mouth. “I’m so excited for this new adventure! Whatever you’ve been scheming, I imagine it’s going to be spectacular!”

A little smile quirked at the edge of the summoner’s mouth. “Yeah, it should be. Thanks, Owain. Now…” Suddenly, she lifted her divine weapon and pointed it straight at Owain’s chest. Rather than fear, his features lit up in something close to rapture.

“Am I to receive new power?”

“Something like that.”

She pulled the trigger. Owain’s body shone with bright light, but when it faded, the plucky young swordsman was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was a small boy in too-big clothes, peering over the edge of the table.

“Now, for you!”

Before he could react, Inigo was enveloped in the same light. Once it faded, a little boy with silver hair sat next to the golden-haired child. Both looked at each other and smiled, but the adults all looked on in horror – especially Odin.

“What- what sorcery have you visited on my mate?” he spluttered. “What are you thinking, woman?!”

“Come on in!” Serpi called, ignoring the others. The door opened once more, and Lissa and Olivia came in.

“Awww, look how small you are now!” Lissa came and gathered her son into her arms, keeping him wrapped up in the oversized shirt. “My baby!”

“Come here, sweetie,” Olivia crooned as she cuddled Inigo. “Mommy’s here, now.”

“I’ll fix your time streams in a bit,” Serpi said to the women. “I just have some loose ends to tie up here.”

“Thank you, Serpi!” Lissa said. The two left, and closed the door behind them. Leo, Odin, and Niles stared at Serpi, each with a different reaction – Leo with a calculating and wary look, Odin in horror, and Niles with amusement.

“Now, then…”

“Wait a moment,” Leo said, his eyes boring into the summoner. “What exactly are you planning to do with us?”

“And why did you…? To my mate!?” Odin was still shocked beyond belief.

“Give me a minute. You’ll forget all about that.”

The last thing Odin saw was the business end of Breidablik and an eerie blue light.

>>><<< 

“Papa!”

Odin’s head turned at the call, breaking into a wide grin as he saw three children running towards him. He opened his arms wide and received them all with a hug. Ophelia, Forrest, and Nina wiggled in his grip, pushing against each other to get closer to him, and finally let go with a chorus of giggling. Nina hopped into Odin’s lap, knocking over the tome he’d been studying, while Forrest and Ophelia climbed onto the sofa and settled on either side of him.

“What mischief might you be up to, O stalkers of the night?” Odin asked.

“We wanned to hear a story,” Ophelia said, nuzzling close to his side as he put one arm around her and the other around Forrest. “Tell us how you and Ma and Father fell in love!”

“It’s a tale for the ages, indeed!” Odin said fondly. “But what has whetted your curiosity so?”

“Owain says his parents have the most romantic story ever,” Nina said with a little frown that was all too reminiscent of Leo’s.

“We know you really do,” her twin said, twiddling his curled hair in his fingers.

“So, tell us so we can shove it in his face!” the youngest finished, her eyes sparkling with her mother’s mischief.

“A quest for knowledge, then,” Odin said. “Very well! I shall regale you with the tale, which begins with our hero – yours truly – stumbling haplessly into a country called Nohr…”

Above, on the second story of the library, Serpi watched the little family with a wistful smile on her face. “Summoner,” Alphonse said quietly, coming up behind her and putting his hands on the railing. “… They do appear to be happy,” he said after a moment.

“Did you think I was wrong?”

Alphonse fell silent and watched as the little trio of children reacted with exaggerated wonder at their father’s story. “I find myself doubting your methods at times,” he said at last, keeping his voice low. “It doesn’t seem ethical, does it? To rewind time like this, to manipulate their lives.”

“Eh, maybe.” Serpi shrugged. “But Inigo and Owain needed to be in the next generation. They were out of place, and their parents deserve a chance at raising them somewhere peaceful.” 

“… Summoner, if you can manipulate time like this…”

“Save it. I can only do so inside these walls. You know that.”

Alphonse sighed. “I do. I know that. But still, I think it would be nice, sometimes…”

“Yes, me, too.” Serpi turned to the prince and gave him a sad smile. “There are times in my life I would love to do over, too. Isn’t that true for everyone? But we have to play the cards we’re dealt.”

“And what of the heroes?”

“Oh, let them be.” The summoner turned back to the little domestic scene. “They’ve lived their lives already in their own worlds; why not let this be their reward?”

Alphonse smiled, his chest feeling warmed by Serpi’s obvious love for the interdimensional travelers. She was watching Odin and his children with such tenderness that the young prince could feel it, himself.

“Besides, LeOdiNiles is such a hot threesome!”

Ah, there was the summoner he knew. Was it ethical, then, to make people happy even if that happiness was fueling some strange wish? Was it ethical to take such control of others, even if it made them happy?

Shaking his head, Alphonse walked away. There was no point in questioning it.


	8. How Kirby Came to Askr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whether born of him or not, Kirby would always be Marth's child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one will really make more sense to people who read about Marth's and Kirby's relationship in "The Family You Choose". It's basically just answering how Kirby came to be here. Nobody asked, but you're getting the answer, anyway! Because... why not? I am dedicated to my head-canon, no matter how bizarre.

When Marth had arrived in Castle Gloria, he’d had no idea that his body was in for such drastic changes. When he’d learned about the alpha/omega dynamics in Askr, he’d had no idea that he would have to contend with heats. And when Meta Knight had been summoned, he’d been so caught up in his own joy that he’d failed to put two and two together.

Long story short, he was now nearly nine months pregnant and wondering how this possibility could have slipped his mind.

It wasn’t that he was upset about it. On the contrary, he was ecstatic. Despite the aches and pains, despite the morning sickness (which had thankfully abated within the second trimester), and despite the irritation that came with sitting on the sidelines while his fellow warriors went out to battle without him, he was looking forward to becoming a parent again. There was only one problem, and that was Kirby.

He knew that the little pink ball of fluff was just fine in the Smash Bros world. “The heroes I summon appear to be copies,” Serpi had explained. “You’re here, but you’re also still there. I can jump between the worlds and talk to both of you within seconds of each other. Neat, huh?” For the first few months that he’d been in Askr, Marth had contented himself with that thought – that his adopted son was doing just fine, and that they were still together in the other world. Even if he didn’t have Kirby here with him, he had him in the world of Smash Brothers. As long as Kirby wasn’t alone, that was what mattered.

Then, he’d gotten pregnant. And suddenly, there was a boat-load of guilt to go along with his excitement.

It was difficult to explain, really. Marth knew that his other self was still with Kirby. Soon, he would have a baby to focus on. But that thought brought such a strong pain to his heart that he often had to shove it aside, lest he begin to tear up. The hormones were making it difficult to contain his emotions, and his optimistic mask seemed to crack more and more each day.

As he had always done, he threw himself into work. There were things to prepare, tasks to check off his list, before the baby came. As springtime settled over the land, Marth settled into a frenzied sort of routine. He didn’t stop to think. He had to focus on the future, and there was no time for grief. Hadn’t his father always told him that?

One day, Marth sat down on the long, padded bench that overlooked Castle Gloria’s magnificent gardens. The world was in full bloom now, showing off its splendor under the warm sunshine. The prince smiled as he watched Roy and Lilina picking daisies together (and snickered to himself when he caught sight of Hector in the bushes, watching the pair with a fierce intensity that Marth could feel even from here). He counted the days in his head, mentally checking off the squares on the calendar—

His face fell. It was the twentieth of April. In seven days, it would be Kirby’s birthday.

The familiar sting prompted Marth to squeeze his eyes shut, until his thoughts returned to happier things. This was fine, he told himself. Kirby wasn’t alone. He would celebrate his birthday just like any other year, and the other Marth would be right there beside him, along with Meta Knight.

But the twisting in his chest wouldn’t go away. He put his hands on his swollen belly, patting gently to reassure himself. In just another week or two, he would have a new child. And somehow, that thought was just as painful as it was wonderful.

“My prince.” The deep voice caught Marth’s attention. He breathed steadily, willing his eyes to stop prickling, and turned to show Meta Knight a sunny smile.

“I was just taking a break,” he said, nodding to the pile of books he’d left on a nearby table. “I’ve been reading about infant first aid. I thought it would be prudent to learn, before the baby comes.”

“Indeed,” Meta Knight said, walking over to join Marth on the bench. He looked out over the garden, his eyes catching Hector’s movement as the man sprung out of the bushes to yell at Roy. The teenagers, startled, ran away, with Hector in hot pursuit.

“I think we’ve almost got it,” Marth said cheerfully. “We have the cradle, and clothes, and diapers… Robin gave me some blankets, and Ninian is going to come and show me how to hold an infant properly. Niles offered, but, ah… I wasn’t so sure about accepting. You have to be careful when he offers to do anything out of the blue like that.”

“Marth, what’s wrong?”

The prince started, blinking in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Meta Knight was watching his mate carefully, his golden eyes barely visible in the dark visor of his mask. “You’ve been upset lately. Do you want to discuss it?”

Marth turned back to the now-abandoned gardens. “I’m fine,” he said with a smile. “Just tired, I suppose. The little one is growing very rapidly.”

“Something’s been weighing on your mind. Is it Kirby?”

Another crack. Marth’s smile fell as he glanced at Meta Knight. “I- How did you know?”

“I had a hunch.”

Marth sighed, nervously rubbing circles over his stomach. “I miss him. I’ve missed him from the beginning, of course, but… Somehow, with this baby on the way… it feels worse. I feel…” his voice cracked, and Marth cleared his throat. “I feel almost as if I’m replacing him.”

“You’re not.”

“How can I say that, though?” Marth frowned. “Kirby isn’t here. Soon, we’ll have this child to care for, and Kirby won’t be here with us. What if I…”

Meta Knight shifted closer, until their legs were touching. It was all the affection the knight could show in such a public place, but the small gesture covered Marth’s heart in warmth like a blanket. “You could never love that child any less. It doesn’t matter if he’s of your own blood or not.”

“What if…?”

“I have seen the way you look at him. I’ve seen the way you care for him. You took to him like any parent would take to their own child, and I know that you won’t forget him.”

The knight’s words broke the dam. Marth realized, with some shock and not a little embarrassment, that tears were leaking down his face. He hurried to brush them away. “I know… I suppose I should trust myself more. I just…” he choked back a sob. “I miss him so much…!”

“Somehow, I think it will work out.”

Marth sniffed, and smiled. “I never knew you could be so optimistic, Meta Knight.”

“Call it intuition.”

There was nothing to do but take comfort in this, and to trust that things would turn out well. Marth swallowed his feelings and carried on.

>>><<< 

It was a bright morning when Marth gave a final push, and sixteen hours of labor concluded. Having been through the ordeal, Marth could now easily say that he despised and praised the god of Askr for cursing him with the gift of childbirth. Between his determined attitude and the brief moments of vehement denial (“I’m a man, this can’t be happening!”) when the pain became unbearable, he thought he had done an adequate job of bringing his child into the world.

There was little room for guilt now. He was exhausted, and exhilarated. He was over the moon with relief and joy, and also vowing to himself that he would never again forget the birth control. But as Lissa placed the tiny, warm bundle onto his chest, Marth couldn’t help feeling a pang of grief for the boy he had left behind. When the newborn squinted at him, the blue of his eyes reminded Marth of Kirby, and it was like a punch to the gut.

Then the baby smiled – not a true smile, Marth reminded himself, but a reflexive one that he’d read about. Marth’s breath caught in his throat. Was it just him, or did the child look just like…?

“A boy,” Lissa said. “And he’s really lively! I’ve never seen one who didn’t even cry.”

“He didn’t…?” Marth asked blearily, wondering if that was an indication of a problem.

“Oh, he’s plenty healthy!” Lissa giggled. “And big, too! You poor thing.” She patted his shoulder. “Do you want me to bring in Meta Knight?”

“Yes, please.” Marth couldn’t take his eyes off of the baby, who was looking at him quite steadily. His emotions were a jumble. He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. All he could do was stare at his baby, holding him tenderly and allowing tears to stain his cheeks.

It was when Meta Knight appeared that Marth realized what he’d been looking at – the boy had pink hair. A tuft of pink hair, and ruddy cheeks, and startlingly blue eyes that looked exactly like his own. His skin was still a mottled red; Marth couldn’t tell whether it would become pale like his own, or dark like Meta Knight’s. Then the baby smiled again, just for a moment, and Marth let out a weak sob.

“Do you see what I see?” Meta Knight’s voice was as soft as ever it could be. Marth just nodded dumbly. “You don’t think…”

"Today... What is today's date?" Marth asked, breathless.

"April the twenty-seventh."

“Hey, guys!” They both looked up to find the summoner peeking into the room. She was beaming at them, her wide smile belying her whispered voice. “I’m on my way to a meeting, but congratulations! I’m so happy for you.”

“Summoner…” Meta Knight straightened up and fixed Serpi with a piercing stare. “Thank you for your support. Our son is healthy. And he is quite… happy.”

The summoner’s smile quirked just a little. “Glad to hear it. Well, I have to be off. See ya!”

Meta Knight stood staring at the doorway for some time before turning back to Marth and the baby. “She had something to do with this.”

“I had a feeling…” Marth was just watching the child sleep, a little smile on his face. “But how? Is this really…?”

“Kirby,” Meta Knight said, and the boy stirred with a tiny whimper. “Yes, I think so. I can sense Kirby’s spirit within this child.”

“So, he’s… He’s really here.” Marth hugged the baby closer. “It was him, all along.”

“I believe so. It seems our summoner has other ways of performing her duties.”

They watched him sleep for a long while. Finally, Marth said, “I don’t feel very different.” He closed his eyes, easing back into the pillows. “Somehow, holding him now doesn’t feel different from when I held him in the other world. Isn’t that strange?”

“You truly have a mother’s instinct,” Meta Knight said. “Born to you or not, he is your son.”

“Don’t you mean a father’s instinct?” Marth asked with a small laugh.

“You tell me. You’re the one who just gave birth.”

“He always did call me ‘Mama’, even back then.” The prince was beginning to drift; he was mumbling. “I’m a man, you know.”

“I know.” Meta Knight took the blue bundle from Marth’s arms and held the new yet familiar warmth securely. “You did well, my prince. And you, too, Kirby. Welcome to Askr.” Kirby slept on, and soon his mother joined him, exhausted but rejoicing to be reunited.


	9. Genesis of the Dusk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niles is preggers again! How will he tell Leo and Odin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I survived the holidays! Sorta. I'm still getting my life back in order, and there is the New Year to consider, but otherwise we are beyond the most hectic time! I wrote this as sort of a warmup, and I kinda like it. I have such a fondness for these three...

Niles knew. He couldn’t pinpoint the moment where he realized it, because it was just so obvious from the beginning. After all, he had been through this once before. He knew what that telltale nauseous feeling was. And he had been through another heat, without protection, like the wanton fool he was – how could it be anything else?

There wasn’t any question as to the father’s identity. Leo had allowed Odin to have Niles all to himself this time, feeling that it was only fair. They had weathered two heats together before Odin had joined them, and Leo liked to keep things equal.

No, there really wasn’t much to ponder in this situation. Odin had knocked him up (go, Odin, Niles thought with a roll of his eye). Niles didn’t have much of a problem with that in and of itself. Leo had always wanted a large family, and Niles was more than willing to give him one. Odin had also taken to Forrest and Nina as if they were his own. Niles had no doubt that their odd little family would make this work.

The only problem was how to break the news.

No doubt Leo would take it well. Odin, on the other hand, would take it too well. Niles could tolerate his mate’s eccentricities, but he could only imagine how Odin would react to this. Surely, he would treat them all to a long-winded soliloquy outlining his jubilation. He would want to brag to everyone in Castle Gloria, and maybe even to the people in town. This would surely warrant a sixteen-page entry in his diary, and perhaps even a dramatic reading or three. Odin had done such things before, and Niles could only imagine…

On second thought, maybe Leo wouldn’t take it so well. The thought was like a lightning bolt to the chest. If Odin went around bragging, would Leo feel left out? What if Leo had wanted their next child to be his? What if he wasn’t so happy about this, after all?

“Niles? Are you ready to go?” Leo’s voice, from outside the bathroom door. Niles cursed under his breath.

“Coming, milord,” he said, straightening his clothes and pushing back his hair. He hadn’t actually been sick, but the dizziness and nausea had plagued him all morning. With a quick glance in the mirror, he emerged to join Leo and Odin in the bedroom, grabbing his bow as he passed it. “Shall we?” he said.

It was obvious that they had been talking about him. They were both giving him that concerned look that made Niles extremely self-conscious. The former thief shuffled from one foot to the other, avoiding their gazes. “Are you sure you’re feeling up to it?” Leo asked. “We can manage without you today. I’m sure Python or Leon will be available.”

“I’m fine,” Niles said. He stepped towards the door, pausing with his hand on the knob. “The sooner we leave, the sooner we can return. I’m sure Forrest and Nina will be upset if we’re too late.”

“Too true,” Leo said with a wince.

“Then we ride!” Odin said, stepping up behind Niles. “We shan’t keep our little ones waiting!”

The tempest wouldn’t wait for them, either, and Niles reminded himself of this as his stomach began to protest against all the movement. Just walking through the portal amplified his queasiness to the point of near collapse. He had to pause a moment, remaining behind the others as he rubbed his eyes and tried to focus. “In need of healing already?” Veronica asked, glancing over her shoulder, and Niles straightened up immediately.

“I don’t think interdimensional travel agrees with me,” he said, nocking an arrow and taking up his position. “Here they come!”

All in all, he managed fairly well. He made it all the way through the third wave before he collapsed. One minute, he was firing arrows into the distance. The next, he was lying on the ground, looking up at a cloudy sky and Veronica’s stoic face.

“It would seem you’re not up to fighting today,” she said, waving her staff. The dizziness subsided, but the nausea remained. Niles groaned, pushing himself upright and choking back a heave.

“Fall back, Niles,” Leo said from the front.

“I’m fine, milord,” Niles said, but faltered as their surroundings changed again. A new area, a new set of enemies to fight. The shift had Niles lying on his side once more, his arm over his stomach as the dizziness returned.

“Fall back!” Leo barked, his voice more urgent. “That’s an order! You are to report to the infirmary at once!”

It was all over. Niles limped back through the portal, his head hung in defeat as the others continued onward. He knew what the healers would tell him, and he would have to make the announcement to his mates soon after. He just hoped that Odin would be able to contain himself for a while.

>>><<< 

It was evening before Leo and Odin returned. They came into their suite, still looking a little bedraggled from the field. Niles was reclining in bed, Nina and Forrest at his side. The two were playing with each other, rolling over and over on the bedspread. “Fellow night-stalker!” Odin exclaimed, rushing forward to drop to his knees by the bed. “We hoped to find you here. Our fair lord deduced that you wouldn’t have remained in the clutches of the healers for long.”

“How are you feeling?” Leo asked, beginning the arduous task of undoing his armor.

“I’m fine,” Niles said airily, shifting to help Forrest and Nina climb over him. Odin broke into a beaming smile and scooped the toddlers into his arms, standing with them and bouncing them until they began to laugh. Niles stood and went to assist Leo with his armor.

“Sit down,” Leo said firmly, halting Nile’s advance.

“Really, milord, I won’t do anything untoward,” the archer said with a teasing lilt in his voice. “Not with the children awake.”

“Sit.”

Niles tried not to pout as he obeyed, instead watching as Leo doffed his armor and bent to unlace his boots. “I’m not dying, you know,” he said sulkily.

“But something is wrong,” Leo said. “I can tell, Niles. What did the healers say to you?”

The omega averted his gaze. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Wait,” Odin’s smile fell. “So, there is something wrong? What is it?! Niles, what horrible ailment has taken hold of you?”

“I’m fine, you idiot,” Niles snapped. “Stop that; you’re scaring them.”

“O- oh,” Odin’s face reddened as he looked down at Forrest and Nina, who were both staring up at him with worried looks. “Don’t worry, children. I’m sure he’s going to be alright!”

“Papa?” Nina mumbled, pulling on his shirt.

“I was only concerned, that’s all,” Odin said. “No worries, OK?”

“We’ll discuss this after they’ve gone to sleep,” Leo said, sitting on the bed.

“In the meantime, I bet somebody could use a bath!” Odin said brightly.

“Papa stinky!” Forrest giggled, and Odin gasped in mock hurt.

“Me? Why, I was talking about you two little rogues! You look as if you had quite a time today.”

“Your mother had them out in the garden,” Niles said. “I’ll let you do the honors, Odin.”

“Of course!” Odin bounded towards the bathroom. “Come, let us embark on an adventure on the high seas!”

“Tha’s a tub, Papa!” Nina’s bubbling laughter echoed as they disappeared through the door.

Niles sighed, and slumped back against the pillows. He could feel Leo staring at him. Finally, Leo said, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

Well, that settled the matter of how he would bring it up. “How could you tell?” Niles mumbled.

“It’s just… the way you act, I suppose. You’ve been distracted, and sick. I just sense it.” Leo leaned towards Niles, caressing the other man’s face. “You don’t seem very happy about it.”

“I am. I mean, I’m not _not_ happy.”

“But?”

Niles sighed heavily. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m being a bit selfish, but I don’t want to tell Odin yet.”

“Why ever not?” Leo frowned. “He’ll be ecstatic. I’m ecstatic!”

For some reason, this information shocked Niles into sitting up. He felt as if the bed had been yanked from under him. “You are?”

“Of course, I am!” Leo scooted closer, gathering Niles into his arms. “Were you actually worried that I’d be upset?”

Niles burrowed into Leo’s embrace, hiding his face in the crook of his lord’s neck. “Maybe,” he said after a moment.

“I wonder… Do you think you were perhaps more concerned about my reaction than Odin’s?”

Now that Leo had said it, it made sense. Niles didn’t like the thought of Odin spouting off about it, but really, it was because of Leo’s reaction. He had pictured Leo feeling dejected, as if Odin were trying to one-up him. “Well, I would be lying if I said it didn’t concern me… just a little.”

Leo nodded, seemingly knowing exactly what was on Niles’ mind. “I admit, I felt a little left out during your last heat. But that was my choice,” he added, cutting off Niles’ concern. “I wanted you and Odin to have a chance to bond.”

“And you’re not upset that this one isn’t…” Niles trailed off as Leo’s smile caught him off guard.

“This one is as much mine as are Forrest and Nina,” he said. “We agreed to an equal partnership between the three of us. They are our children, regardless of who made them. Listen to that…” He paused a moment so they could hear the splashing and laughter coming from the bathroom. “He adores them, Niles. And I know that I will adore this child, too.”

Niles buried his face again. It was too much. “Maybe… that was my real fear,” he said. “That you would be jealous… or that he would somehow…”

“I will never abandon you,” Leo said firmly, his grip around Niles’ shoulders tightening. “Odin will never abandon you, either. I’m happy, Niles. I’m truly, honestly happy.”

“… I am, too.”

They stayed together like that for a long moment. When they finally pulled apart, Niles smiled – genuinely, which was rare. “You know, I am still a little worried about how he’ll take the news. Not that he’ll be upset, but that he’ll be too happy about it.”

“Happy about what?” Odin had just come out of the bathroom, two wet toddlers wrapped in towels in his arms.

“I suppose there’s no delaying it any longer,” Niles said with a sigh. “Odin, I’m pregnant.”

There was a moment where Niles wasn’t sure if Odin had heard him. The mage stood there, blinking in confusion, heedless of Forrest and Nina squirming to get free. Then he broke into a wide grin and began to laugh. “N- no way… Really?! You’re really going to have another baby?!”

“My last heat,” Niles said. “So that’d be about four weeks.”

“Oh… Oh, Niles, this is wonderful! Milord Leo, did you hear…?”

“I’m right here, Odin,” Leo said with a chuckle.

“Do you hear that?” Odin clasped Forrest and Nina closer, nuzzling their damp hair. “You’re going to be big siblings! Isn’t that wonderful?! Our legacy is growing! Soon, another hero will come into the world! You’ll be a trio, just like your parents before you!”

“Here,” Leo said, standing and reaching out to take the children. “I’ll get them dried and dressed. You go on and get this out of your system, before you combust.”

Odin bounded towards the bed and caught Niles up into a hug. “Thank you,” he murmured into starlight silver hair. Niles scoffed.

“Thanks for what? I haven’t done anything.”

“You… You’re doing everything! You’re bearing our child!” Odin was beginning to get choked up. He wiped at his eyes.

“Well, you’re the one who put it there,” Niles said with a smirk.

“You’ve already given us two, and now a third… It’s a mighty responsibility.”

“Sounds like you’ll be easy to guilt into servitude.”

“Waiting on you hand-and-foot is the least I can do!”

“Don’t go spoiling him, now,” Leo said, toweling Nina’s hair. “It’ll get to his head.”

“But the bearer of our children deserves to be spoiled!” Odin protested, and the argument spiraled from there. Niles just leaned back with a happy grin on his face. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, he thought, if Odin wanted to crow about it for a bit.

“Dada, up!” Forrest reached for Leo, who took him and Nina into his arms again.

“Odin, come help me dress them,” he said.

“I shall return, O nurturer of my seed!” Odin said with a little bow to Niles.

“Oh, gods…” Niles groaned. “Never call me that again.”

“As you wish, cradle of our legend!”

“Odin, I swear I will punch you.”

“Sorry, sorry! How about, ‘fertile soil of the night’s bounty’? Oh, wait! Bearer of the night!”

Then again, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to ask him to tone it down for a while.


	10. Professor Byleth and His Educational Headaches, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth has been chosen to instruct the children of Castle Gloria, but Shiro and the other troublemakers have different plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More random pointlessness! I say this is part one, but who knows if there will be a part two or three? I actually kinda like this setting, so I might explore it more. But it is a self-contained story, unlike the Halloween one (which I screwed myself on, because I've changed my head-canon since writing that and now I have to either write that in, or rewrite the whole story).

It wasn’t fair. Byleth sat at his desk, his chin resting on his folded hands, surveying the chaos that was to be his world for the next four hours. Why did he have to do this? Sure, he was an experienced instructor; but that didn’t mean he had any desire to teach… (he shuddered) _children_.

Yet here they were, all gathered in a small sunlit room that had been re-purposed as a classroom. The little hellions were already doing their damnedest to wreck the place – climbing on the desks, pulling books off of shelves, tying the draperies into knots. Byleth’s nose wrinkled as he spied a mystery stain on the blue rug. He didn’t even _want_ to know how that got there. He glanced at the clock hanging by the door; three minutes before he could put an end to it. Until then, he was determined not to speak a single word to any of them. He wasn’t here by choice, so the least he could do for himself was to nurture his sanity while he could.

“Teacher, are we starting yet?” young Tiki asked.

“Noooo, I don’t wanna!” Nina groaned, slumping onto the floor.

“Stop that at once,” Siegbert admonished his cousin.

“You stop it!” she shot back.

“I- stop what?”

Byleth let out a deep sigh. It simply wasn’t fair.

There was a commotion in the corridor, just beyond sight of the open doorway. “I’m not going!” a child’s voice, shrill and angry.

“This is not up for debate.” And a male adult, even angrier. “Now, get in there and keep your mouth shut until the end of class.”

“I don’t WANNA!”

“Priam, I swear I will turn your legs to stone!”

“You can try!”

Apparently, Soren did try. There was a scuffle, a scream, and then Priam came streaking into the room, diving for the safety of one of the desks by the window. Soren came into view soon after, his eyes flashing dangerously. “Hello, Byleth.” His gaze never left his son. “Priam, I don’t want to hear of any mischief. Understood?”

Priam groaned. “Yes, sir…”

Soren nodded, satisfied, and gave Byleth a pitying glance as he left. Byleth couldn’t help feeling just a bit patronized.

As the clock struck eight, a chime sounded from within, a lilting melody that effectively put an end to much of the chatter in the room. Byleth stood, crossed to the door, and closed it with a finality that stopped the rest of the conversation. His steps thudded on the wooden floor as he made his way back to his desk. Then, surveying the room carefully, he said: “Class will now begin. Take your seats.”

There was a scuffling and scraping as the children fought for desks. Byleth noted that they were all seated fairly quickly. Apparently, Soren hadn’t been the only parent to threaten retribution for bad behavior. “Welcome to the first day of school. My name is Professor Byleth. I will now call roll. As your name is called, answer ‘present’ and I will mark you for attendance.” Keeping his instructions clear and concise seemed to be the best strategy with children, he thought. At least they were paying attention. “Forrest,” he said.

“Present?” The curly-haired boy raised his hand as if he were uncertain, and Byleth nodded and checked his name off of the list, committing his face to memory.

“Inigo.”

“Present!” Inigo sang and waved his arms in an imitation of a dance.

“Kana.”

“Present!”

“Kanako.”

“Here! Oh, present!” the female doppelganger giggled at her own mistake.

“Lowell, Kirby.”

“Poyo!”

“Lowell, Tiki.”

“We have a last name?” The little dragon gawked at her brother, and then said, hurriedly, “Present!”

“Lucina.”

“Present.”

“Morgan.”

“Present.”

“Nina.” Silence. “Nina?”

Siegbert turned and fixed Nina with a glare. She sighed. “Preseeeeent.”

“Ophelia.”

“Ophelia Dusk is present and accounted for!”

“… OK, then.” He’d been wondering which kid belonged to Odin. He would wonder no longer. “Owain.”

“The great Owain is in your presence!”

“… Right. Priam?”

“_Present_.” This was said with all the venom an eight-year-old could muster. Byleth chose to ignore it.

“Shigure.”

“P- present.”

“Shiro.” Again, silence. “Shiro?”

Just then, the door opened and slammed shut. A brown-haired boy came running in, out of breath and wearing a jacket that was only halfway on. “I’m here!” he said, finding a desk near the back next to Priam.

“Your tardiness will be noted,” Byleth said, making a mark next to Shiro’s name on his list.

“Hey, I’m not a…!”

“Siegbert,” Byleth continued without missing a beat.

“Present.”

“And… Solel?”

“It’s Soleil, like Sol-EY,” the pink-haired girl corrected.

“Sorry,” Byleth said, making note in the back of his mind. “Alright, then. Let’s begin with a basic assessment of your general knowledge. You are all at roughly the same age, but your education up to this point has been unstructured.”

“My moms were doing just fine,” Kana said bitterly.

“… Be that as it may,” Byleth said, “your parents all agreed that this would be far more efficient. While they are busy on the battlefield, they can be assured that you’re receiving an education.” And free babysitting, he thought, but he wasn’t going to harp on that too much. “Now, show of hands - how many of you know how to read and write?”

He was fairly surprised when most of the children raised their hands. “I only know how to read and write in the dragon language,” Tiki said, “but Mar-Mar is teaching me and Kirby together.”

“Ophelia’s still learning, too,” Forrest said shyly.

“Not bad,” Byleth said, his eyebrows raised slightly. “Then, let’s have a little quiz, shall we?”

“What’s a quiz?” Shiro asked.

“Raise your hand if you have a question.”

“Oh. What’s a quiz?” The boy still didn’t raise his hand. Byleth sighed.

“I told you to raise your hand, Shiro.”

Shiro shrugged. “Why? You already know I’ve got a question to ask. Can’t you just answer?”

“I cannot, until you learn to follow classroom protocol.”

“But, Teacher!” Soleil chimed in, her hand waving in the air. “You just answered his other question, and he didn’t have his hand up!”

Byleth had to resist the urge to face-palm. “Let’s start again. Class rules.” He turned to the blackboard that had been installed on the wall beside his desk and took up a piece of chalk. Writing out as he spoke, he said, “Rule 1: No talking during class time except when instructed to by the teacher. Rule 2: Raise your hand and wait to be acknowledged before asking a question. Rule 3…” He paused, considering, then set down the chalk. “To be determined.” He turned back to the children. “This is a learning curve for all of us. I’ve never taught children before, and you have never attended a formal class. I don’t know yet what rules we need to follow, so we’ll just have to learn together.”

“Ooh, ooh, can I be the teacher?” Shiro asked, bouncing in his seat.

“No. And raise your hand before asking something!”

Shiro laughed, and Byleth reminded himself that the use of weapons wasn’t generally part of a teacher’s lesson plan. “Now, then. Let’s have a quiz. A quiz is a short test. I’ll ask you questions, and we’ll see how well you can answer them. You won’t receive a grade for this, but I’d like to assess your general knowledge.”

Siegbert raised his hand, and Byleth gave a small prayer of thanks for small blessings. “Yes, uh, Siegbert?”

“What kinds of things will we learn here? My father has been teaching me about Nohrian history, but you’re not from Nohr, so…” His face flushed pink, as if he were suddenly embarrassed to be speaking. Byleth gave him an indulgent smile. He seemed a well-spoken young man (and one who wasn’t likely to cause trouble).

“A good question. Here you will learn to read and to write, as well as general arithmetic and Askran history. These are things that everybody should learn while they’re young, before they start to learn a trade. I’ll teach you language and math, and we’ll have a guest teacher to instruct us all on Askr’s history and culture. We will also go over general knowledge such as how things in nature work.”

“Won’t we be learning any combat skills?” Lucina asked with her hand in the air.

“No, not here,” Byleth said. “Your parents will handle your martial training as they have before. And in the future, wait to be acknowledged before you ask your questions.”

Lucina nodded, blushing. “Sorry,” she mumbled, and Byleth noted her as another Non-Troublemaker.

“Now, are there any more questions?”

“Me, me!” Soleil said, waving her hand.

“Yes, Soleil?”

“My dad says there’s a girl version of you, like with Kana and Kanako. Is she cute?”

Byleth stared at the girl blankly. “Any other questions?” he said after a moment. “None? Good. Let us begin the quiz.”

He had decided to ask one question of each of the children. This would give him an idea of their personalities, as well as of their previous education. Clearing his throat, he grabbed the roster from his desk before proceeding. “Forrest. If I have five apples, and give you two of them, how many apples have I left?”

Forrest looked around, bemused. “I don’t see any apples.”

“It’s a theoretical question,” Byleth said. “Imagine that I have five apples. Let’s count them.” He took five coins from his pocket and laid them out on his desk. “One, two, three, four, five. Now, I give you two.” He took two coins away. “How many are left?”

“Those are coins, not apples,” Forrest said. This time, Byleth did face-palm.

“OK. Fine. If I have five COINS, and I give you two…”

“Hey, he’s getting money?” Kana protested.

“I want money!” Shiro said.

“Nobody said we were getting paid for this!” Soleil said, perking up.

“It’s only theory!” Byleth said. “We’re only pretending! Now, then. How many coins do I have on the desk, Forrest?”

“Three,” the prince said. “Does that mean you’re giving me two coins?”

“No. I am not giving you any coins.” Byleth pocketed the currency, deciding against using it in future math questions. It seemed that some of the children were far too literal in their thinking. “Inigo, you’re next.”

“I’m getting money?”

“No! Nobody is getting money!” Byleth snapped, and there was a general groan among the class. “Now, Inigo. How many seasons are in a year?”

“Ummmmmm…” Inigo thought about this for a moment, his gaze trailing outside. “Four…?”

“That’s right. There are four seasons in a year – spring, summer, autumn, and winter.” Byleth could have hugged the boy. “Kana, each letter has two forms: a small form and a larger form. What is the larger form called?”

“A big letter?” Kana said.

“Wrong. Kanako?”

“A capital!” the dragon girl said confidently, giving Kana a haughty smirk when Byleth confirmed her answer.

“That’s not fair, I want a do-over!” Kana said.

“No, you’re not getting a do-over,” Byleth said. “Kirby, what does water turn into when it gets cold enough?”

“Ice!” Kana shouted.

“That wasn’t your question, Kana!” Kanako said before Byleth could.

“Enough! There will be no speaking out of turn!” Byleth barked. “Though that was the correct answer. Tiki, what is the difference between a dragon and a wyvern?”

“A wyvern is a beast, and a dragon is the vessel of limitless potential,” Tiki said, as if reciting the words. “Ban-Ban told me that!”

“Er… right, I suppose,” Byleth said, feeling a little taken aback. “But how would you tell the difference between the two, visually? Lucina, can you tell me that?”

“A dragon has four legs and wings, and wyverns only have two legs and wings where their arms should be,” the princess said.

“Excellent. Morgan, how many types of magic are there?”

“Um… We don’t know,” Morgan said uncertainly. “My mother says we don’t know for sure how many types of magic exist, because we’re still discovering new things about it all the time.”

“Marvelous answer!” Byleth was feeling a little more optimistic now. These children were more intelligent than he’d given them credit for. “Nina, what color would you get if you mixed blue and yellow together?” He waited, but the girl was in the middle of whispering to her sister. “Nina, pay attention. Did you hear what I said?”

“Oh,” Nina snapped to attention. “Um, no. I didn’t hear you.”

“That’s a wrong answer for you, then,” Byleth said disapprovingly. “Those who don’t pay attention won’t get far in my class.”

“Does that mean I get to go home?” Nina asked.

Byleth chose to ignore her. “Ophelia, can you tell me what the answer is?”

The youngest student smiled sweetly. “Chicken butt!” she said without any trace of shame. The class erupted in laughter.

“What did you…?” Byleth’s gaze fell to Nina, who was looking to the front with a far-too-innocent expression. It reminded Byleth of Claude. “Nina, did you tell her to say that?”

“N- no,” Nina said, faltering for a moment. That was all the confirmation that Byleth needed.

A minute later, Nina was standing in the back corner of the room, and Byleth had quieted the class again. “Alright, then. Owain, let’s say we have five…” His hand paused on its way to his pocket, and he reached instead for the chalk. He drew five apples on the board. “We have five apples. Now, I add five more.” He drew the additional shapes. “How many do we have?”

“Hmm…” Owain considered this for a moment. “Are they poisoned apples? How can you tell that some villain hasn’t tampered with them?”

“Wh- what?” Byleth blinked. “No, they’re… They’re not poisoned.”

Owain gasped dramatically. “Are they enchanted apples? What kind of powers would I get from eating one? Are they sent by the gods?!”

“I… No, they’re just… How many apples are on the board, Owain?!”

“Oh, ten. But would they grant immortal life? Maybe they give some sort of mystical insight!”

Ophelia was clapping her hands and cheering, but the other children seemed just as confused as Byleth was. He erased the apples, perplexed, and turned to the class once more. “Right, then. Priam, what is a synonym?”

Priam’s face was stoic. “It’s a word.”

Byleth’s eyebrow twitched. “Yes, but what kind of word?”

“A Common Language one.”

“Priam, what does the word ‘synonym’ mean?”

Priam frowned seriously. “Well, sir, I suppose it could mean a lot of things to different people. We all think different things are important.”

Byleth walked over to Priam’s desk, leaning on it so that their gazes were nearly level. “Do you want to stand in the corner with Nina?”

“No, sir.”

“Then stop fooling around. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” The corner of Priam’s mouth quirked, and Byleth mentally labeled him Troublemaker Number Three (behind Shiro and Nina).

“Alright.” Byleth went back to stand in front of his own desk. “Shigure, what is a synonym?”

“A synonym is a word that means the same thing as another word,” Shigure said, earning an approving nod from Byleth.

“Good. Shiro, what is 34 rounded to the nearest ten?”

“Uh… ten!”

“Incorrect. Siegbert, would you care to answer?”

“Thirty?”

“That’s right. Now, Soleil, what is one half of twelve?”

“Hm. Well, half of ten is five… So, half of twelve is… six?”

“Correct!” Byleth clapped his hands together and leaned back on the desk. “Nina, you may return to your seat. You all did better in general than I had dared to hope. Now, then, let’s start today’s lesson.”

“Can you believe this?” Priam muttered to Shiro as Nina sat on the prince’s other side. “Why did our parents have to send us to this guy?”

“I dunno, maybe they want to bore us to death,” Shiro replied.

“Tch, yeah, that’s…”

“Boys!” They both fell silent at Byleth’s sharp admonition. “No talking during class time.”

Shiro slumped in his seat, his arms crossed. It wasn’t fair. How could he become a strong warrior if he was stuck inside all day?

When a folded piece of paper was flicked onto his desk, he glanced up to see where it had come from. Nina was sitting with her face turned towards the front, but her eyes peeking at him. He unfolded the paper. _“This is so boring,” _it said.

“Yeah, it is!” he whispered, and Nina rolled her eyes. Scribbling something else, she tore off another piece of her parchment and handed it to him under the desks.

_“Use your paper, dummy! The teacher can’t hear us talk this way.”_

“O-!” Shiro slapped a hand over his mouth. Then he wrote something below her message and gave it back to her.

_“Oh!”_

Priam was looking over at them, curious, and Shiro wrote something to pass to him. _“Nina says we should send notes, like this.”_

Brightening, Priam hurried to write something down. _“Good idea, Nina. Billy Butt can’t hear us this way.” _Shiro snickered when he read the message, and then passed it to Nina, who had to hold her hands over her mouth to keep her giggles silent.

_“Billy Butt! I like that!” _she wrote back.

_“Hey, guys, we should form a club! Like a note club or something!” _Shiro showed this message to Nina and Priam under the desks.

_“Nah. Let’s talk about stuff we should REALLY be learning,” _Priam wrote.

_“We could make an escape plan,” _Nina replied.

_“Oh, yeah, let’s do that!” _Shiro wrote.

_“I’m gonna pretend to be sick tomorrow.” _Nina locked gazes with the other two as they nodded in agreement. It was a plan, then.

“Nina! Shiro! Priam!” They snapped to attention immediately. Byleth was looking straight at them. “Were you passing notes in MY class?”

“No, sir,” Priam said.

“What are those scraps of paper?”

“We were taking notes from the board.”

“I see.” Byleth walked between the desks until he got to their row. He took the note from Priam’s hand, and read it. “Priam, what does it say on the board?”

“Uh… I, um… can’t… read it?”

“Out of excuses, are you?” Byleth said dryly. “Lucina, would you care to tell me what it says on the board?”

“It says, ‘Multiplication Tables – 2: 2 x 1 = 2, 2 x 2 = 4, 2 x 3 = 6…”

“Thank you, Lucina. And what does this say?” He gave her the note.

“Use your paper, dummy! The teacher can’t hear us talk this way.” She gave Priam, who was sitting behind her, a haughty look. He glowered at her.

“So, then you might say that your notes are a bit off.”

Shiro and Nina looked at Priam. He shrugged, out of ideas.

“Alright, up you get! Priam, I want you in the front of the room, where I can keep an eye on you.”

“Aww…!”

“Nina, over here by Siegbert.”

“Ugh!”

“Shiro, you stay where you are. Best keep the three of you separate from now on.”

“Humph!”

“Now, we’ll move on to grammar.” Having taken control of the class again, Byleth felt a righteous fire in his chest. He erased the multiplication tables and began writing something else. “Capitalization is a very important principle of communication. If you don’t know which words to capitalize, your sentences can be difficult for others to read. I’m going to write an incorrect sentence, and I’ll have one of you come up and correct it: professor byleth is a teacher of castle gloria.” He scanned the classroom, thinking carefully. “Alright, let’s have Kana.”

At that moment, Nino came to the door. “Oh, sorry to interrupt you! I just needed, um…”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Byleth addressed the class, walking over to Nino, “Stay in your seats, class. I’ll be right back. Now, Nino, already finished that book?”

“Oh, yes, it was great! I’m ready for something more difficult…”

Their voices faded as they walked down the hall, and the silence was soon filled with the chatter of children.

“I like this. I bet we’ll learn a lot!”

“Well, I wanna go home!”

“Me, too…”

“How many more hours til lunch?”

“I can’t believe our parents did this to us!”

“Look at all the books he’s got here! I can’t wait to read them and learn about all the heroes!”

“I’m sooooooo hungry!”

“Did you see what Raigh and Lugh did to the statue outside? _Gross_!”

In the midst of all this talk, Shiro got up from his desk and crept to the front of the room. Nobody noticed that he was erasing and re-writing the sentence on the board. He was back in his seat in a flash, just before Byleth came in and all chatter ceased.

“Alright, settle down. Now, let’s resume. Kana, please correct the sentence.”

Kana rose and picked up a piece of chalk, studying the board carefully. “Um… Sir, you want me to write this?”

“That’s correct,” Byleth said, scanning over the room to make sure everyone was in their proper place.

“OK, then…” The dragon boy wrote the corrected sentence and then stood waiting, rocking back and forth nervously.

“Alright, let’s see.” Byleth inspected the words. Then he blinked. Then he read them again and again. Then he mouthed the words, almost in a state of disbelief. “Professor Butthole is a teacher of Castle Boring.” Kana backed away as Byleth turned his fierce glare onto him. “What is the meaning of this?”

“I think it means you’re a butthole!”

The entire class gasped. Byleth turned, slowly, to see Shiro standing up, matching him glare for glare.

“You can’t keep us here for four hours every day! What kind of crazy person does that?!”

Byleth was beginning to see red. “Your parents elected me to teach you little brats, and I’m going to do it, whether we like it or not. If you have a grievance, take it up with them.”

“But how is this going to help us in battle? Our parents are out there fighting for their lives. I bet you can’t even hold that sword!” Shiro pointed accusingly to the sword at Byleth’s hip.

“… I see.” To everyone’s astonishment, Byleth drew his weapon. “It’s a matter of respect, is it? Very well. You may leave my class, Shiro… IF you can best me in combat.” To hell with the rules, Byleth thought. Sometimes, a lesson had to be learned the hard way.

Shiro felt like the dog that caught the carriage wheel. He didn’t know what to do now that Byleth had actually met his challenge head-on. But with all eyes on him, there was no way he would back down now. “Alright!” His voice was perhaps a bit squeakier than normal, but he was determined not to let his fear show.

“So…” Priam spoke up, breaking the tense silence, his hand in the air. “So, all we have to do is beat you, and we get to skip class? I’m in!”

“Count me in, too!” Soleil said, waving both of her hands.

Byleth smirked. If they wanted a challenge, he would give them one. “Alright, everybody, follow me.” He sheathed the Creator Sword and marched out the door. A hasty scuffling of small feet followed. The children were all stunned into silence, and they walked through the halls in barely-contained excitement, hustling along quickly. Shiro was walking with a determined step, and he puffed up a bit when Nina patted him on the back and Priam flashed him a thumbs-up.

He was going to win this, for all of them.

They emerged into the bright mid-morning sunshine, the crisp air redolent with the scent of an early spring. A few heroes were training in the yard, but they stopped when the class came out of the castle. “Hello, children,” Elincia said cheerfully. “Lord Byleth, well met. I had heard that you were starting up a proper school. What sort of lesson have you planned for this morning?”

“A lesson in respect,” Byleth said, his hand on his sword hilt. Elincia gave a nervous smile.

“Oh, yes, that’s quite important…”

“I think he’s gonna beat the shit out of them,” Cain said with a laugh, and Marth balked at him.

“Cain!”

“Hi, Mar-Mar!” Tiki called.

“Mama!” Kirby waved.

“Oh, hello, children! Are you having fun in class?”

“Teacher’s gonna beat up Shiro!” Kirby said happily, and Marth’s face fell.

The children formed a ring around Byleth and Shiro, who faced off as soon as Shiro had taken up a small training lance and Byleth had selected a sword. “A fair fight,” Byleth said. “No holds barred. Begin.”

As a teacher, Byleth felt it was only fair to allow his student to get in the first hit. Shiro fell into a practiced stance, very like his father’s, and lunged forward with a battle cry that would have been quite fierce were he fully grown. Byleth easily sidestepped him, though. Shiro wheeled around, came at him again, and was again thrown off-balance by his own momentum and the lack of impact.

“Fight back!” Shiro cried, lunging again.

“I don’t need to,” Byleth said calmly. “You’re not even in my league.”

“Coward!”

If I’m such a coward, then hit me!”

But Shiro couldn’t. He darted and dashed and thrust his lance, but he never once landed a hit. Soon he was exhausted, panting and barely able to hold his weapon. Byleth sidestepped another slash, and then reached forward. His finger pushed against Shiro’s head and caught the boy off balance. Shiro went tumbling to the dirt, and Byleth snatched up the training lance, victorious. As a final flair, he threw the lance into the air, drew his Creator Sword, and slashed. The little lance broke to pieces, falling to the dirt, the thuds accompanied by the collective gasp of the children.

He calmly turned to the class and said, “Anyone else?”

Silence, and the blowing of the wind. Byleth smiled. “Then we’ll return to our classroom.” He put away the training sword and helped Shiro to his feet – the boy was still too stunned to make much sense of anything yet. The children were subdued as they followed their teacher back into the castle.

>>><<< 

Despite his righteous fury, Byleth was awash with guilt that night. The children had remained quiet throughout the rest of the lesson, and had left in silence, hardly daring to look at him as he bid them farewell. Shiro had kept his head down all day. Remorse twisted Byleth’s gut as he tossed and turned in his bed. Had he been too hard in humiliating the boy? Had accepting Shiro’s challenge been the right thing to do? Respect was one thing, but he hated to think that his students now thought him a bully.

He was a bit rough around the edges when he reported to class the next day. He almost expected the room to be empty, and to remain so indefinitely – except for a few angry parents. To his surprise, though, the classroom was already full by the time he got there. He glanced at the clock; he was twenty minutes early. The chatter stopped when he appeared, and suddenly he was mobbed by a waist-high crowd of eager faces.

“Hey, Teacher, that was awesome yesterday! Will you show me how to use a sword like that?”

“The way you dodged him was like… Wow! I wanna learn how to do that!”

“Teacher, can we have some class after lunch so we can train?”

“Teacher, look at what I drew! Teacher!”

Slowly, a smile spread across his face. He looked across the group to see Shiro staring up at him. “Um, I’m sorry I was so disrespectful,” the boy said. “I guess I’m not as good as I thought I was…”

He stepped forward and patted Shiro’s shoulder. “I want to help prepare you for whatever might happen in the future,” he said. “I care about you, Shiro. I want to see you succeed. So, will you stay and learn with us?”

The boy brightened. “Yeah, I will.”

“Alright, then.” Byleth felt a great lightening of his heart as he took a seat at his desk. “Well, we have some time before class begins. Does anyone have anything to discuss?”

“Oh! Um, my sister said something about homework?” Morgan said, raising his hand.

“Yes, my mother asked if we had any homework. What is that?” Lucina asked.

“We don’t have homework just yet, but soon you’ll be expected to work on some assignments outside of class time,” Byleth said pleasantly.

It was as if someone had just been stabbed. The room went quiet, and the children’s faces went pale. “You… you’re gonna make us learn even outside of class?” Kanako squeaked.

“Just small assignments,” Byleth said, frowning.

Suddenly, the chatter was back, and this time it was angry.

“What?! How could you do that to us?”

“We trusted you, Teacher!”

“This is our parents’ idea of punishing us, huh?”

“Noooooooooo!”

Byleth sighed, leaning his head on his hands. Just like that, his short-lived tenure as a respected teacher had ended. He was now A Monster once more. Children really were fickle little morons, he thought. “Alright, who do I have to beat to get this to end?” he said at last, when the protests became louder and louder.

“Guys, stop!” Kanako shouted above the din, effectively silencing it. “It’s not his fault. Professor Byleth showed us yesterday that he deserves respect. We’d be idiots to fight him on this.”

“Kanako…” Byleth thought, could it be that some of these kids had some emotional maturity?

“Morgan’s the one who brought up homework,” Kanako continued. “He’s the one we want!”

“Yeah!” a general cry rose up, and soon Morgan was running for his life as Lucina tried to push the others away. Byleth groaned and fished around his desk drawers for some headache powder.

Day two. It was only day two. He was not going to last.


End file.
